There is the typical notion of what a bully is and most of us understand that and avoid it in our personalities and teach our children how to treat others with kindness.
But as women, especially Christian women we tend to overlook or ignore treating ourselves well.
Did you know one big contributing factor to eating disorders are children growing up hearing a mother make frequent disparaging comments about her own body. It does NO ONE any good to hear derogatory remarks about one's body. It won't make you healthier, It won't make you feel better, and it may harm your children.
It reminds me of women who constantly straighten their hair but tell their young daughter her curls are beautiful. What does she really internalize you telling her her hair is beautiful or recognizing the amount of time you spend getting the curls out of your own hair?
How do we inadvertently treat other women by snide comments?
I sat at a baby shower shortly after I moved to Texas, Excited to celebrate a new baby, because ya'll know I LOVE BABIES... but instead about 70% of the conversation revolved around how
"gross" women's bodies are after having delivered a baby: How smushy and flabby stomachs are, how full and saggy breasts are, how awful stretch marks look- how its a miserable state of affairs... yuck, yuck, and yuck was the mood of the conversation.
I sat there in disbelief. I am in awe of my body after I have a baby. I look at that newborn and think "Wow, Kyle and I did that. I grew that baby in my body. Amazing." I dread engorgement - but I also dread how quickly that first week flies by - one week you're pregnant and the next week you have a baby who has already lost the umbilical cord stump they needed to survive just a short time ago. I am way too much into the miracle to hate on myself.
And.... I have a smushy tummy all the time, my breasts are large and and I have stretch marks... I sat there ingesting the conversation pretty much staying quiet and realized...
What I was...what I am, was disgusting to these women. And that is me ALL THE TIME.
Huh... nice thought.
I left soon after, and had a good cry all the way home.
I am a lucky, lucky women who has a wonderful husband who sincerely likes the way I am and tells me often how beautiful I am. My heart aches for women who endure moments like that at the hands of other women and leave with little support for their heartache.
Think about what you are saying.
When you post on facebook about how disgusting the fat woman at the pool in the bikini was and nine people comment in agreement: A fat women somewhere (whether she owns a bathing suit or not) is thinking... I am gross - I am disgusting. My naked body is something to be ashamed of.
Some fat women do not exercise or EVER go to the pool because of fear of what others might think.
If you go on and on and on about the 15 lbs. you want to lose to someone who would do anything to be your size - do you realize the damage you are doing?
Not to belittle race at all, but would you say to a black person, "ugh. I got too much sun this summer, I better be careful or I'll get black."
NO you wouldn't!! But fat is discussed this way all the time. Its like its a social given that you should be dieting if you are fat or at the very least disgusted by who you are.
But people have no problem voicing their fears of getting fat, or laughing at the fact that their old boyfriend from high school was so FAT at the high school reunion. RIGHT TO MY FACE.
Its a good thing I have way high self esteem and thick skin. My respect for them just drops several notches and my heart aches for others who have to experience their insensitivity.
If you are thin. Don't congratulate yourself. Don't think you know anything about people bigger than you. Watch what you say and really take to heart "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" - remembering that you might never know what it feels like to live in a body wholeheartedly rejected by society. Small words may cause immense damage.
Don't use weight to overly congratulate someone - the "you look good", is often followed by "have you lost weight?" Someone can look good without a loss of pounds being the reason.
If you are fat yourself, don't berate yourself to others. Sometimes we can be our WORST enemy. Don't think since you are fat too you can start in on your fat friends. They may be happy the way they are. If you are fat and have difficulties with overeating that does not mean your fat friends have difficulty with overeating. The reasons for body size are as complex as life itself and still very unknown to science. Just because you think you can relate to someone does not mean you really can. And be careful about demonizing yourself to others. There are enough myths and lies about fat people as it is - Misunderstanding is not in need of fuel from your self hatred.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Be kind to yourself.
No one deserves to feel worthless.
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