Day is done, gone the sun...

I'm pretty sure I'm letting the blog go guys. As soon as I've settled my thoughts I'm either deleting it or its going private. Its been a good thing in total. I made friends I wouldn't have otherwise. I lost some too. I recorded memories that I might not have without the blog.
The kids like looking back, I know Ella spend a good amount of time looking at old posts.

All told it does bring me some degree of embarrassment now. The navel gazing and all.


Before I close the door I thought it might be interesting to peruse over the posts that went unposted. There were over 50 drafts never published in my queue. Some became other posts or landed on other blogs. Some never did. So here they are - the first drafts that have sat in the corner. 

Just a bit more. 

for now.

4/13/06:

"Can't go to bed"

So last night I was putting yet another coat of paint on the bathroom walls and Benjamin busts in with blood on his face - I immediately sent him to Kyle thinking he had bust his nose. But it was his tooth - It was very close to coming out - which got Benjamin so excited - not about actually losing the tooth - its all about the money. In fact I have even caught Ella tugging on her teeth. When asked she replied "I want some money real bad!"

5/18/07:

"Don't embarrass me"

[Blank]

6/27/07

"Soundtrack of motherhood"

In a bummed out mood a few weeks ago I dusted off my CD case, pulled out two of my top five most fav CD's (Paul Simon's Graceland and Disc two of Janis Joplin's greatest hits) stole my sister's boombox took it to the bathroom, filled the tub and turned the volume to just shy of earthquake. IT WAS WONDERFUL... I used to be a music fiend, not in the skill department only in appreciation. I had a CD of some sort for every occasion and on my person pretty much at all times. From my first mixed tape which included Milli Vanilli I was hooked. My days usually consisted of lip synching in the shower, VH1 on all the time - back when they played music, then falling asleep to Enya. That is until giving birth. My music took a back seat to listening for the baby in case he cried, talking to the kids in the car, being the referee at home, Dora in the background, Laurie Berkner on road trips, and finally peace and quiet at the end of the day. Well since that bath with Janis the other week I have started to reclaim music. Other than CMT while cleaning the house - I've been missing something and didn't even notice.I've pulled more out, Beatles white album, Robert Earl Keen, Creedence, Duran Duran, Tim McGraw, and you know what? The kids are liking my music! - take that Dora - Then my awesome husband came home from work yesterday with the Essential Paul Simon set for me. It was better than jewelry. Its great to be loved and its really nice to dust off a little bit of the mommy every once in a while.

7/16/07:

"Fort Worth"

Meg, the awesome sister that she is offered herself for the weekend to watch the kids - so off we went to a romantic weekend in Fort Worth - It was so much fun.

10/12/07

"Take the keys away from your kid"

Or they'll go joyriding

10/26/07

"The World"

has to pay for a few idiots


2/20/08

"Why I blog"

"Mama used to roll her hair~Back before the central air~We'd sit outside and watch the stars at night~She'd tell me to make a wish~I'd wish we both could fly~Don't think she's seen the sky~Since we got the satellite dish" Lyrics to Levelland by Robert Earl Keen

3/4/08

"Crack and Rice"

Oh Mom, I love you! And I love the White beans and rice you made for my at Christmas, it was sad to be sick then, and not want any - but you so lovingly froze them for me.

3/18/08

"Cravings and Frustrations"

I am having

9/5/08

"DANG Sarah,"

[blank]

10/6/08

"OK"

so asking for volunteers scares everybody away... I get it.

10/11/08

"It's hard sometimes"

being so far away from family - Gram is in the ICU tonight - our prayers are with her.

11/4/08

"Ever try"

to remember everything you ate in the last 24 hours?

1/27/09

"Hey Lady!!"

[blank]

3/26/09

"Seesaw"

That is what I am lately, I swing from one extreme emotion to the next.

Gratitude
I have gained a new perspective from this job loss.  What has seemed crushingly difficult and emotionally painful has made me appreciate the little things and the HUGE things.
How grateful I am to have such a wonderful husband. He is loyal to me and our family. He works very, very hard to provide for us. How lucky I am that

5/26/09

"Bullets again"

There is too much I will sum up:

• Happy Birthday Meg!!!!!!!! We love you so much!
• Went to the lake yesterday - It became and unplanned party 

7/16/09

"update"

I really do have things to blog about in my own life, but I am too busy. I have been reorganizing and LOVING my re-decorated family room. I have been getting our family calendar on google calendar. BUT I had to get on here and tell you what I read in the paper this morning:

8/30/09

"Keeping it real"

so there is a blog thing going around where you post pics of your dirty house to prove you aren't perfect - I am going to twist things up a bit because most of you's dang well know I don't keep a very clean house. I could kill myself tryin - four kids, two adults, one dog, one cat - its just too much.
The efforts I think most about are finances and that is where I think my duty as a housewife pays off - literally. so here's to keeping it real - a view into our budget. What do you think - how do we compare?

** Disclaimer - most people don't openly share info about their finances - so be nice. I don't really understand completely why that is - do we care more about the allusion of our status than how the books actually balance?

bills
Tithing - won't tell that one because even though I'm for putting it all out there you don't need to know exactly how much we make - but trust us we pay our 10% GROSS
Fast Offering - 30.00 (honestly I am never sure here -I feel like that is generous for us now - but I'd love to give more - The fast offerings of others helped us in our darkest hours we want to repay the favor)
House

9/24/09

"Savin more money"

no more dropping off all dress shirts at dry cleaners - its all me now... turns out I've been ironing wrong:

10/19/09

"Say it ain't so"

You know what makes you feel old??
Getting the alumni catalog from here on your birthday and staring at all the baby faced freshman on the cover.

I flipped through quickly and saw the map for the Longwood of the future. The plans for expansion -making my college newer, fresher, more green, more cultural.

12/17/09

"UPDATED again"

Benjamin's team came in 2nd place in Art History


Ella came in 4th place overall in the Storytelling

5/17/11

"I get a little panicked at this time"

or in other words I get a little raw in this post

1/1/12

[title blank]

My boys are intact, and the only ones on both sides who are. I remember not long ago trying to explain circumcision to my daughter and oldest son (7 and 9) and they were HORRIFIED. My daughter kept asking "How could someone do that to a little baby?" So, I'm hoping this means the cycle is broken for good in this family. :)

1/11/12

"the thing is everything is reactionary"

I like "off the beaten path" pages on facebook:

5/3/12

"completely irrational thoughts"

So I feel strongly about my pet peeves. More than one should. And I am quite aware that they make no sense like these:

People that stay in the merge lane onto the interstate until the absolute last second even though they could have merged hours before.

Christian Rock Music. I just keep picturing Jesus saying (in my mom's voice) "Turn that crap off!!"

Gigantic Bows/ Flowers on baby girls heads. I LOVED the look before, now, not so much.

5/11/12

"Waiting..."

I had my

5/16/12

"Happy Birthday Benjamin"

Benjamin turned twelve today!


TWELVE

cough, cough. Time really does fly - they aren't lying. We have six more years until EIGHTEEN.


crazy talk I tell ya.


Benjamin is such a good kid. He started the year off in pre-ap math and did stuff I can't do with a calculator. Shoot stuff I can't do with google and two calculators. Then mid year he moved into pre-ap english, And he is one of the top AR readers in that class. His english teacher has been so impressed he is a teachers assistant in one of her other classes.


He really does read all the time. For his birthday I could not find a book that he hadn't already read.


If I had decided to homeschool I think I would be at a loss at this point in his education. Sad but true.


He is excelling at the Tuba or as we call it around here the tooooooo-ba.


I think Benjamin is one of those kids that is turning out awesome despite my skills as a mother not because of them.

8/22/12

"do we ever have an obligation to help make things better?"

“When I became convinced that the universe is natural; that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light, and all the bolts, and bars, and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world; not even in infinite space. I was free; free to think, to express my thoughts; free to live to my own ideal; free to use all my faculties, all my senses; free to spread imagination's wings; free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope; free to judge and determine for myself; free to reject all ignorant and cruel creeds, all the "inspired" books that savages have produced, and all the barbarous legends of the past; free from popes and priests; free from all the "called" and "set apart"
; free from sanctified mistakes and holy lies; free from the fear of eternal pain; free from the winged monsters of the night; free from devils, ghosts, and gods. For the first time I was free. There were no prohibited places in all the realms of thought; no air, no space, where fancy could not spread her painted wings; no chains for my limbs; no lashes for my back; no fires for my flesh; no master's frown or threat; no following another's steps; no need to bow, or cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words. I was free. I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously, faced all worlds.

And then my heart was filled with gratitude, with thankfulness, and went out in love to all the heroes, the thinkers who gave their lives for the liberty of hand and brain; for the freedom of labour and thought; to those who proudly mounted scaffold's stairs; to those whose flesh was scarred and torn; to those by fire consumed; to all the wise, the good, the brave of every land, whose thoughts and deeds have given freedom to the sons of men. And then I vowed to grasp the torch that they had held, and hold it high, that light might conquer darkness still.” (Robert. G. Ingersoll, "Why I Am Agnostic", 1896)

11/25/12

"Circ Diatribe"

You probably know from just being on facebook with me that I couldn't possibly feel more strongly about this issue. I don't care about people's 'opinions' on most issues - I'm a "live and let live" kind of person. Except when it comes to this issue for the sake of babies.
I am involved frequently in these conversations and it can be hard to not interject in the forums I discuss this issue in, I get it. You see me commenting on the ticker and it makes you want to say your side. You are not the first friend to do it.
But you lost my respect by what you said. You could have left it at " I happen to like my circumcised penis." that is fine and I am glad you do. But you added a completely uncalled for tirade about how disgusting the intact penis is. If you don't have one - how do you know? and for moms like me you are talking about our sons.
And every single point you made was wrong.
I can't really describe the horrible reaction I have to people bragging about circumcising their sons. It really does break my heart. I made that decision for my son and he has had terrible side effects from that procedure. Then I learned all there was to know about the issue and its really horrific if you research it.  It can't be compared to anything else we do to babies, its not like a vaccine, riding in a car, clipping fingernails, cutting the cord, etc. I mean even the thread in question started from a baby in an ER bleeding out because of this senseless act.
Everything you said is popular myth, but none of it is true. You are the perfect example of how cultural conditioning confuses even smart people. It is the exact cultural conditioning that keeps me speaking out. I can't wait for the day that this is a non-issue. And you might want to read up more about it before you are a grandfather, because chances are good that the next generation (your grandsons) will all remain intact. Circumcision rates are decreasing.
Once you care for an intact baby you realize how adhered the foreskin is and that cutting it away is like putting a blunt object all the way under your fingernail ripping the fingernail away then cutting it off at the base. Except even worse because the foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis. - it is not dead skin dulling sensation like you said in your post.
It really is a horrible thing to do to babies. It just is. I am not and advocate for this issue to make grown men feel bad about their circumcised penis. Most are ok. And I am glad for them. But we should not keep doing this to babies.


1/12/13

[title blank]

I am Janie a girl raised Mormon in the South, not an easy thing. I am currently losing my faith and finding it at the same time, just in different places

1/16/13

"plus size birth"

The straps didn't fit right.

3/27/13

"I am not a mormon... anymore"

[blank]

5/8/13

"Deicide"

[blank]

5/22/13

"Big family road trips"

We just went to Virginia (so Texas is awesome but man ya'll Virginia is so. dang. beautiful.)

8/4/13

"Questions"

There was the blog post

8/14/13

"Love made me"

I finished Penn Jillette's new book last night. It was so good, and so so bad in parts. I'm pretty a pretty open thinker but whew parts made me blush and a couple pissed me off.

There was a chapter where he talked about the unconditional love of his family. And he said - that's how you be me, be very, very loved by people no matter what. I felt that. as they say:

I really felt that sentiment man.

10/9/13

"Equal footing"

When one exits a paradigm

3/24/14

"Why Mormonism's claim IS so crazy"

There is a popular blog floating about today, especially among devout Mormons. Since I was one of those myself. An active endowed church member I thought I would take a moment to address it.

Mormonism is either one of the biggest frauds in human history or it is the second most important thing to ever happen on this planet.

Just because a lot of people do something does not make it true. That thing would still need evidence. Do we have evidence of ANY of Joseph's claims? no

4/3/14

"What almost a year of skepticism has taught me"

Don't know exactly what sparked my interest in skepticism. I remember one thread where someone struggling with moving on from religion said I am now inspired by people who don't just take away the incorrect things I believed but teach me something new. They are positive. Then they listed some names like

Neil deGrasse Tyson
Steven Novella
Michael Shermer
James Randi

Today.

"Change Direction"

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
Dr. Seuss