What to do... What to do? - I have long felt that I have the 'bad' kid at playdates, playgrounds, church etc. I don't think it is Benjamin's fault though - for one thing he is bigger and louder. Other mom's seem to automatically get defensive around him. - Its really frustrating, I can't tell you how many times I have seen other people's kids do something, then Ella do it, then Benjamin does the exact same thing and they go nuts! A specific example ... At the bus stop a neighbor has a kindergartener and a baby a few weeks older than Maiya - and we all know Benjamin LOVES babies so he always wants to say hi to her baby and try to make the baby laugh etc. But as soon as he gets near the stroller, she's like 'Not by the baby, don't touch, you have germs, (basically she starts lecturing him!) -- And then I don't know exactly what to do because I let him cuddle all he wants with Maiya. (Plus I can't help thinking to myself that if she breastfed her baby she wouldn't worry about germs so much!) So I explain to him that we don't touch other peoples' babies. THEN this morning we walk down everyone else is already there, the lady has her baby in the car seat sitting on the sidewalk, there are 3 girls - yes three - all around her baby, touching her hair, cheeks, one even lightly touched the baby's lips - and she says NOTHING then Benjamin tickles the babies toes and WHAM she is on Benjamin like white on rice lecturing about not touching her baby- I was really mad, but what can I do? Do they have personal ads for mothers - Married Mother of 3 seeks another mother without overprotective neurosis for playdates to let my larger-than-average for his age boy be just that -- a BOY!
Another general issue - somewhat related? - When in a group setting and the kids are doing something that is A-OK by you but all of sudden the other mom starts to reprimand her kid - do you stop yours too?
Uggh - this is what I don't like about school - If it was anything else we could just avoid the frustration - but can't avoid the bus stop!
3 comments:
When in a group setting, if the action is fine by me, then I let them do it. Even if another mother comes over and says that her kids cannot do it, I still let my do it. For instance, we were standing in line for a very long time and the kids were bored. So they began playing with sticks. You know, digging in the dirt or hitting the trees. When the other mom threw a fit that her son had a stick. And he was being so innocent with it. She took it away, but I let my still play with the stick. I guess that I could have been nicer and taken the sticks from my kids but there was NOTHING for them to do. Why not let them play? As for poor Benjamin, some parents are just going to treat him differently. It is really a shame. You all just need to move up here-we'll play with him!
I know this will come as no shock to you, Janie, but I would be direct. You can be tactful - but direct. I would say, "I notice that you seem to be worried about Benjamin around your baby. Is there anything I can do to ease your worry? He is very good with his sister and he loves babies. I know he is big for his age, but it hurts me when he sees the girls touching the babies and he feels he can't do the same." Then ask her for her input so you can help Benjamin understand. She may be clueless - I've decided a certain HIGH percentage of the population is.
And I agree with Ryann on the other issue. You set the boundaries and standards for your children. If the other children were doing something dangerous you wouldn't let your children do it just because those were. That same philosophy works in reverse.
I agree with Grandma on this one. I think you should ask this woman just what it is about Benjamin that bothers her so much and let her know how good he is with Maiya. I'd sure hate to see him supress or lose that "loving" gene he has because other people don't understand!
If all of these suggestions don't work, let me know and I'll come slap her for you!! JUST KIDDING!!
(Smile!)
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