Getting better enough to be depressed about it - two weeks ago I was just praying for the days to pass or death to come. Now I am better, I can sit up, Maiya and I chill watching cartoons and eating in the living room. But I am still nauseas and I am well aware how messy the house is - and I get more frustrated everyday that I can't/don't do anything about it.

I am tired of this pregnancy making me into Eeyore

Eeyore, the old grey Donkey, stood by the side of the stream, and looked at himself in the water. "Pathetic," he said. "That's what it is. Pathetic." He turned and walked slowly down the stream for twenty yards, splashed across it, and walked slowly back on the other side. Then he looked at himself in the water again. "As I thought," he said. "No better from this side. But nobody minds. Nobody cares. Pathetic, that's what it is."

I know it will get better soon. I am excited that I am starting to show a bit - I mean skinny girls wouldn't notice. But my fat belly beats out my boobs a little, and none of my jeans button. Anything that makes me feel pregnant instead of just sick is encouraging. I can't wait to feel gummy move and I really can't wait to find out if gummy is a boy or a girl.

I was sick until 18 weeks with Maiya - so if this follows protocol I have three more weeks. Hopefully I can kick out Eeyore before then and Janie can move back in.

I am having a temper tantrum:

I want to vote today!
One of my biggest pet peeve's in life is people who are completely apathetic to politics - and if you regularly don't vote, PLEASE don't tell me - it would greatly affect my opinion of you. - Gosh I am a jerk, huh? Anyway, I have largely left out my opinions about this election out of laziness and surprise, surprise, to avoid controversy - see I am very opinionated like that. Then I got to thinking will everyone think I am like one of those people who do not participate at all in the political process? So here goes my concise opinion. I did have a long blog in my head that was fun and informative but I am too tired so here goes: GO MITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - And not because he is Mormon, but because he is a true Republican. And I only voted democrat once and regretted it for quite a long time, but I would like Obama to win the primary. And in case you are wondering McCain is not even a close backup wish for me - he is a democrat as far as I am concerned, and I worked on his campaign in 2000 - and was very displeased with some of his tactics. If Huckabee wins - I may vote democrat twice in my life!

A blog for me

So I have often thought about how my blog is my backup journal and I am a little sad that it only started after Maiya was born. I would love to look back at my blogs of Benjamin and Ella as a babies but those memories are not digitized yet - those photos remain in shoeboxes and memories in actual journals. So I have been thinking that toward the end of this pregnancy I would blog about Benjamin, Ella, and Maiya's birth stories so that when I add number four's everyone's story will be there. I don't know if your kids are like mine but they LOVE me telling them about "the day/night they were born" and I remember loving to hear my story when I was younger. This post today is inspired by Ryann who is going through the initial shock and then excitement that follows a big fat positive pregnancy test. I thought I would write about how we found out the same thing four times. From this point on feel free to be bored, move on to a more exciting blog or go surf the web - like I said this is a post for me, and maybe one day the kids would like to read it. Here is how we found out about our babies - Story number one: Halfway through our first year of marriage and still living with my mom - not an ideal time to start a family but the desire was strong nonetheless, I had a feeling we might be pregnant. The idea was a little scary but terribly exciting as well. I heard somewhere you should test first thing in the morning, so without planning well, I woke up, skipped the bathroom, and went straight to the store. The pee-pee dance started as I went into the store and by time I got to checkout it was a painful dance - I knew there was no way I would make it back home so I took the test right there in the Ukrops bathroom. I put it on top of the paper towel dispenser washed my hands and then reached up and picked up two pink lines - I rushed home rereading the directions at every light. I woke up Kyle who had worked the night shift, was exhausted, and told him we were pregnant. To which he replied "wow" and fell right back asleep, dozed for a few seconds then sat up and said, "what did you say?” The following May we had an adorable fat baby boy!

Pregnant with Benjamin - about 35 weeks Lots of love to go round!
Welcome to the world little man!

Story two: When Benjamin was eight months old I got my first real job as an OT, we moved to Va Beach, I started working full time and made plans to go on birth control as soon as my health insurance kicked in. One month later, I wondered when I would be regular again since I was still intermittently breastfeeding. I decided it had been long enough and I took a test - only one line - HUGE sigh of relief! The next morning Kyle had already left for work, and I was taking out the trash and lo and behold in the trash can lay two pink lines - I called Kyle in a panic, "I have to take another test" to which he rationally responded we don't have the money. And we didn't, there was like 30 cents left in our checking account. By noon that day, I couldn't stand it. I left on my lunch. headed to CVS wrote a hot check for two tests and went back to work and straight to the employee bathroom - now this part is familiar, I took the test, set it on the paper towel dispenser, washed my hands, and proceeded to pick up a test with two bright pink lines. Disbelief and fear set in - how could I handle this: brand new job, one baby already and two in day-care? But like life happens I had a calmness wash over me by mid-afternoon and I got home in time to make "I am a big brother" onesies for Benjamin and he met Kyle at the door wearing one. Eighteen months after welcoming Benjamin we welcomed a beautiful baby girl.

A few days before we found out about Ella

Pregnant with Ella - 41 weeks

Meeting the little lady - and finding out Benjamin is a wonderful big Brother!

Two babies!

Makes one tired mom.


Story three: Feeling especially fertile after Ella, we took more drastic measures to slow things down and I got the Mirena IUD - I highly recommend it! It was exactly what we needed until Hurricane Isabel hit and changed my life for the better. The week before the hurricane was becoming very, very stressed at work they wanted us to see as many patients as possible - hopefully even double our normal load so that they would not lose too much money if the hurricane knocked us out of commission for a while. Well the next day, three days before the hurricane I woke up to two kids with pink eye, couldn't take them to Ms. Margaret's and couldn't take them to work. So I called in and got CHEWED out by my boss. She thought I was lying so we could leave town early. Which is what we did actually. On the long drive to Danville, I fumed about my job and made plans to quit no matter the costs. I worked my last day the following month. And despite major financial problems and other fears, we removed the IUD shortly. I was ready for a baby. Despite previous fertility records it took a while for number three and by time I suspected my period was late we were in escrow on our first home - a fixer upper for that matter. This time I had gone through many negative tests - very discouraging. So I was forcing myself to be nonchalant. On a weekend away to housesit for Aunt Beth I did a little math in my head and decided to test - the pink washed over and I only saw one line. I left it on the counter and went back to bed. Meg woke me up a half hour later screaming in the bathroom. Yep two pink lines, and if you are keeping track Kyle has not been present for a single one so far. We moved to the new, messy, in need of major work, house and struggled through a particularly difficult pregnancy and welcomed an adorable tiny baby girl on the summer equinox.

One year before I became a stay at home mom.

Pregnant with Maiya - 37 weeks

And then there were three - Welcome to the world Maiya

Worst pregnancy = calmest baby

Story Four: Maiya was followed by debates about having more, a move to Texas, and several different methods of birth control, which made me grumpy and gain weight. Finally, we decided on the groundbreaking "let nature take its course" plan. By time Maiya had her second birthday I was a little annoyed nature was taking so long. By September I did something I had never done before - took a set of ovulation tests - all were heart wrenching and very negative. I was sure nature had decided for me so I set about the task of being emotionally ok with that. Very busy with planning for the Nativity exhibit I was a little late noticing I was late. I realized and got a dollar store test. Understandably, Kyle insisted on being present for every single test taken. This time as the test sat on the counter I was quite over the rejection - months of negative tests and a week of negative ovulation tests I walked away. I sat on the side of the tub and Kyle continued to stare, after what seemed like a lifetime he says barely above a whisper, "I see two lines" Before he could finish his sentence I had already sent Meg for another test - three tests later, all with double lines, we celebrated. Kyle was very happy to be present for this one.
Now for the weird confession - I have recapped, washed the outside and saved at least one pregnancy test for each - Yes, under my bed in a plastic box are four positive pregnancy tests. I never really intended to keep them, I just saved the first one for quite a while because I just didn't feel pregnant and it was fun to slide out the box and look at it - eventually I couldn't throw it away and by the second one I couldn't keep Benjamin's and not the rest - so there they are and now you know the rest of the story. If you are still reading.

Super Bowl forty snooze

So we prepped the kids for the super bowl, psyching them up about how big the game is - moments later seated with potato chips - Ella says "So you mean this is only football?" eyes roll and she goes to play - I soon had the same sentiment. Boring game, lame commercials - It only warmed up at the end when I was stressed out for the Giants, but they pulled through and beat the undefeated! So two thumbs up for the last five minutes...

What an awesome man!!

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.” - Gordon B. Hinckley

Hey Sarah we are Bert and Ernie LOL

You Are Ernie

Playful and childlike, you are everyone's favorite friend - even if your goofy antics get annoying at times. You are usually feeling: Amused - you are very easily entertained You are famous for: Always making people smile. From your silly songs to your wild pranks, you keep things fun. How you life your life: With ease. Life is only difficult when your friends won't play with you!

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Pregnant Jamie Lynn Speaks Out

another funny one

Made me laugh

some people...

long sigh...

So yes I have not been blogging. I was holding out on the day I could say "I am all better now" and yet I have not reached that location. I am doing ALOT better. I went to the movies and dinner with Sarah - By the way JUNO is a great movie - its nice that something was hip and pro-life without being overbearing. I went to church on Sunday - all in one weekend that was tons for someone who has only left the house for doctor appts since November. I feel like I am recovering from agoraphobia as well.
And despite respite here and there it hasn't ended yet. I'd say I hover at a 2-3 nausea on a scale of one to ten with bouts of fierce heartburn and mind boggling exhaustion. I have these really nice dreams of doing all the laundry and vacuuming and making beds - then I wake up and see the house and realize no not yet, that will have to wait. I thought about filming a panoramic of the house and blogging it, so all of you could feel utmost satisfaction about your house - but I rethought that - someone might call CPS on me.
Finding the silver lining my mind wanders to this:
THANKS GOODNESS FOR SISTERS:
First my sister - She has gone above and beyond and under and sideways to help me through this - Fixing anything that I think I might want to eat, helping clean, helping with the kids, taking them places, abandoning her social life (which means a TON), getting up early with the kids (which means even MORE) and making late night runs places when what she did fix me to eat was not what I wanted after all. I LOVE YOU MEGGIE
Second Relief Society-
Meals without asking, nice visits despite me looking quite scary, and one half muttered sentence "I will need help with Maiya" was an organized schedule of who could watch her everyday plus back up in my email. I love my church - the charity of the RS rivals anything else I have ever seen. Thanks so much everybody.
Other news that has not been blogged:
Benjamin's Baptism will be May 24th - so mark your calendars everyone - he is SO excited.
So at church you can start scouts after you are 8, so I got his application on Sunday and it made me cry - they grow up too fast, I remember when I was nursing him my mind would wander to dates like He'll start school in 2005, will get baptized in 2008, will graduate, so on and so forth. It all seemed soooo far away then, and a blink of an eye later I am filling out scout applications. WHOA
Rest in peace Princess Sparkles and Firecraker we lost them a day apart of each other and many tears were shed depsite previous attacks - Daddy orchestrated a lovely funeral for each in the backyard.
Maiya is talking more, funny thing is she has had very little speech therapy while I have been sick, maybe she has had the need to communicate more, but whatever it is sentences are finally emerging as well as sarcasm I believe.

And I have not updated about Aunt Beth - Details were slow to follow the first news, but she is in the hospital recovering from surgery to have a tumor removed from her ascending colon. It was a complicated surgery and many prayers are being said from this home that the recovery will be easy and that good news will follow from the doctors. A good friend told me to never tempt fate by asking if this is enough. But the sentiment is strong in our family that we have had enough to deal with - especially cancer in the last year. My mom is still trying to recover from her cancer treatments. Aunt Beth does not deserve this - but she does deserve the best treatment. It is not a good feeling to be so far away from loved ones. We love you Aunt Beth!

So I don't know if I will be quite my blogging self again yet - but for the record I missed it.

Missed saying this yesterday but we all thought about you:

Happy Birthday Uncle Tommy!!!

You are very missed!

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy New Year!!!!!

Christmas pictures are up at Flickr!!!

Christmas was good and wonderfully hectic - Everybody has left to go home, boo-hoo - I think Grandma and Aunt Beth will be glad to be home, they did a lot for me while they were here. Friday night as if morning sickness wasn't enough fun I got a killer migraine which aggravated everything - I threw up non stop during the night and despite pills and medicine in other unpleasant avenues I ended up on IV fluids in the hospital on Saturday. Of all the hospital visits for morning sickness, well I should correct myself - I have the official diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravidarium - this was a nice hospital, and very nice nurses until two of them asked if this was my first baby and I said no my fourth - and they literally looked at me like I was a retarded alien like some combination of sympathy and revulsion. One even said "you know this gets worse every time" - "yes I know but the babies just get cuter and cuter!!" Today we saw the doctor and she didn't really know what to say - I only lost two more pounds, which she was very happy about - I just rolled my eyes. So she kind of just scratched her head about the pump - I said if it will get rid of the nausea I want it. but since there is no guarantee I'll just go back to my couch at home. Then she said in a gratingly nice way - I don't think anything will take your nausea away. Insert my fair lady voice here: loverly. OK this has been enough typing, the couch is calling. The best news today was we got to see our little gummy bear... introducing the first glimpse at Baby O

When hermit crabs attack...

Benjamin and Ella got hermit crabs the other day. Benjamin named his Firecracker due to his black shell with starburst pattern painted on it. Ella named hers Princess Sparkles since she has a pink shell with sparkles all over it. Well, the 'Princess' part seems to be a misnomer...

Same 'ol stuff, different pregnancy...

Keeping cool Pretty pitiful huh? I am sooo sick. Can't even brush my hair it makes me nauseous, in fact everything makes me nauseous. Went to the doctor today and she is very concerned about my weight loss - I actually don't mind that part at all! She is trying another medicine and wants to see me in two weeks, if I have lost any more weight I will get a pump for continuous anti-nausea medicine. Everything is a blur right now. The kids are getting very excited about Christmas. I am bummed to be sick at Christmas time but glad my family is here, they doing everything for me - and as you can see from the picture that makes them very tired...

Are we pathetic or what...
Merry Christmas from the family!!!!!!!

So guys I am pretty sick - but my mommy and Aunt Beth are here. Apologies in advance that things won't be the same this year - that is if I usually send you a package, it will most definitely be late, and there won't be an Oyakawa Christmas card - I am not up to much but moaning on the sofa and trying to keep food down. Kyle is a good man and picking up much more than his slack - I love my hubby!!

Boo - hoo

ROUND 10 — Hatton stays aggressive, chases Mayweather, who doesn't even look winded. Out of nowhere, Mayweather floors Hatton one minute into the right with a big left hook. Hatton gets up easily, but Mayweather staggers Hatton with a left, then sends him stumbling and sprawling flat on his back in a neutral corner. Cortez ends the fight over a prone Hatton, and Mayweather leaps on the ropes.
Mayweather wins, KO 10.
I am sad.
I am also sad because Morning sickness has raised its very ugly head. I have a really good doctor who has already put me on Zofran, which calmed the relentless puking that started friday - but I am still nauseos 100% of the time. sigh..........but My mom and Aunt Beth will be here this week, so I am very excited!!!

Little known fact about Janie...

I like boxing!!! - It started with that cheezy show Contender. I see the sheer absurdity of it, and as an OT I can only imagine the damage that is being done to the boxers brains and bodies. But its morbidly entertaining and a little easier to understand than football - its just "get in there and beat that guy up"
So right now I am trying to convince Kyle into paying the 55 bucks so I can see the Mayweather VS. Hatton fight - but alas its too close to christmas and not worth spending money on I know... But for the record my money is on Hatton!

Non-Crappy Starring You! eCards on JibJab

Cooking and Morning Sickness

So far I am actually doing pretty well - Maiya and I left the house today and I spent some time with Sarah and she helped school me on the new blogger. Isn't she awesome? But I have slowly left the kitchen, First no doing dishes, now no cooking, and soon I think even the microwave will gross me out. So long story short, Kyle is out of town and the kids haven't had a vegetable in two days, yet there isn't quite enough guilt there to get me to cook tonight....

Our trip

It was a good weekend, I started to feel icky but with lots of trips for random morning sickness remedies from my loving man, we had a great time!
The Beach boys!! I really enjoyed them, I knew more of the songs than Kyle did and there were so many people there was hardly room to dance but it was still GREAT.

Kyle and his beautiful bosses - what a lucky guy huh? should I be worried?

The next morning (and yes the clock does say 10:45) - thanks again Meg for watching the kids and sorry Maiya broke your phone!

Kyle: "Janie wake up we have to check out!"

Me: "GO AWAY"

Before going to the airport Kyle drove me over to see the headquarter offices of his company. For all six years he has worked there he has always been at satellite offices. Man is that place huge - its like a small campus. Anyway there was the cutest flock of Canadian geese taking a break.