there is this box.

see those freckles? I love them, when I cuddle with him I sometimes touch them one by one. he laughs and tells me to stop.

Having Parker join our family has made my heart turn especially tender for Benjamin.

My first born.

The recipient of my freshman mothering.

I love him so much.

Taking out and washing his baby clothes for his new little brother made memories flood my mind of when he was so little.

And now he is a ten year old. That means he is closer to leaving the nest in time that he is to the time he joined our nest.

I was so anxious for each first - I couldn't wait for him to roll over, crawl, talk.

I buzzed his hair off before his first birthday - and I was proud because it made him look so grown up and boyish. My mom cried - "ahhh you cut off all his baby curls!"

I worked full time until after his third birthday. My heart ached to drop him off everyday. And I wondered all day what he was doing.

Then when I stayed home, I expected perfection of him and me. And I realize now I was too hard on both of us. I yelled too much at a small boy.

I should have enjoyed it ALL, markers on carpet, sand in the kitchen from the sandbox, dumping out all the toys to play with just one. Pancake syrup on every conceivable surface of the kitchen.

Dirty church clothes 5 minutes after you put them on. Ripped up books that we didn't get to read enough.

If I could go back I'd slow down and just enjoy.

But I don't need to go back I am going to do it now.

I am going to enjoy my ten year old who tells me all the details about youtube videos of darth vader, how he likes to alternate reading three or four books at the same time instead of just finishing one before he starts the next. I'll let go of the fact that to him standing in the shower for thirty minutes is better than actually using soap. And if you floss a between a couple teeth you can technically say you 'flossed'.

I love how he takes his friendships very seriously.

I love that he will play with his sisters for a long time, and that as rough as he is on them, no stitches have resulted :)

As of this moment in time he still lets me cuddle with him on the sofa when we are watching Amazing Race

and

he still asks me to come eat lunch with him at school.

one day soon those things will be way uncool.

And before I know it Parker will be a big kid too... because there is this box in my room to put his clothes in as he outgrows them - and its already half full.

Benjamin at Chuck E Cheese -- 3 yrs. old