Kyle's famous oatmeal cookies.

3/4 c. softened butter
1/2 c. white sugar
3/4 c. packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/4 c. all purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
2 3/4 c. rolled oats
1 c. raisins (optional)
12 ozs. Chocolate chips

(If you are doing raisins soak in very hot water & drain before adding) The best combo is dark choc chips and golden raisins.

Cream together butter, sugar, brown sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla until fluffy. Mix flour, baking soda, cinnamon, & salt together in separate bowl. Gradually add dry ingredients to wet. Stir in oats, raisins and choc. chips.

Drop by teasponfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 325 7-9 minutes makes them perfectly soft. Remove as soon as they start to brown on edges. Immediately transfer to cooling rack. (they burn quickly)

Faith is like a little seed.

Yeah, yeah... you are tired of the religious posts. Sorry but rule numero uno, write for yourself and only for yourself. Start writing for anyone else (besides a lover) and your voice is gone. If this offends your general senses especially ones that depend on faith, turn back now. No really its the internet - there is a button around here somewhere that will take you to LDS general conference memes.

I am going to sum up a podcast that I listened to about the psychology of religion. It can be found here.  Fair warning, its long. Two studies popped out to me that have stayed banging around in my brain. I will butcher them now. (I could re-listen and find said studies and read the abstracts) But 'ain't nobody got time for that'

Line experiment:

Graph at the front of the room with lines at varying heights. Line C is by far the tallest line. Without remarkable eye sight difficulties it would be difficult to not see that line C is the tallest. When alone in the room as near to 100% as you can get will say line C is the tallest. One subject in a room with 4 or 5 other people who they think are also other subjects (but they are actually moles - just researchers in street clothes). With the moles present the subject is last to be asked:

"Which line is the tallest"

Before them each of the other individuals will answer first and they will all say "Line A is tallest"

Line A

Line A

Line A

Line A

When this happens the rate at which the actual tallest line is identified drops to ... I don't remember now, in the 30ish%. Its just so hard after hearing four or five other people say Line A for you to say Line C. Even though you know line C is tallest.

Now when just ONE mole changes their answer:

Line A

Line C

Line A

Line A

The rates that the subject will say the correct line jump WAY back up.

Pretend you like it experiment:

"Say you like it till you do."

Subjects are brought in and asked to do a mind numbing pointless task, move these pegs from these holes to these holes, then back for THIRTY STRAIGHT MINUTES.  Till you want to poke your eyes out with the pegs. That mind numbing.

Participants are asked to rate their satisfaction with the task, as expected rates of satisfaction were not high.

Now same task, same amount of time, same mind numb. Except this time before rating their satisfaction they are ask to do a solid for the researcher. He has to go to the bathroom, can the subject head out to the waiting room and explain the importance of participating in this study. Just tell the person that its of value to the academic community blah, blah and that it was a rather enjoyable experience. They do head out and to the next participant SAY that they actually rather kind of enjoyed doing an absolutely mundane task for thirty minutes of their life.

THEN they are asked about rate of satisfaction with the task that they did. The group that gave the pitch had significantly higher rates of satisfaction. Just because they said they liked it, they ended up kind of liking it.

Now apply the commentary of these two social experiments to lets say a testimony meeting:

You might have "doubts" in your mind or as I have come to realize, logic and reason nagging at you. But you hear one after the other, Line A, Line A, Line A, Line A, from the oldest to the tiniest members coached with whispered breath say Line A Line A Line A.... and you begin push down in your mind the voice saying nuh-uh. Its C.

Then you are told to say it till you mean it, sell the pitch.

A testimony is to be found in the bearing of it. Somewhere in your quest for spiritual knowledge, there is that 'leap of faith,' as the philosophers call it. - Richard Wirthlin

Another way to seek a testimony seems astonishing when compared with the methods of obtaining other knowledge. We gain or strengthen a testimony by bearing it. Someone even suggested that some testimonies are better gained on the feet bearing them than on the knees praying for them. - Dallin Oaks

So month after month, Sunday after Sunday, meeting after meeting, You listen to the echo chamber of belief and if you still don't have your own, say it anyway. 

Line A

Line A

Line A

I know this church is true.

I know this church is true.

I know this church is true. 

I know this church is true.

if there is a god,

 he ain't mormon

I did not go looking to lose my faith. I was pretty happy where I was in my fog of faith when I tripped up on church history issues. In fact I was being a member missionary to Joni when I was appalled at some claims she made on her blog. I decided I'd fact check them myself, surely being raised in the church, being a seminary graduate and years of gospel doctrine I would have heard about this... that lead me to the wives of Joseph Smith, then Joseph's multiple accounts of the first vision, then the witnesses to the book of mormon saying they didn't see it with their real eyes but their "spiritual" eyes. Then further. 

But more telling to me was the response I got from those who I talked to about my "issues".  I noticed a trend. Start with the conclusion, make information fit to that conclusion, depend solely on the subjective, and when really hard pressed say "I don't know" or "you just got to have faith". 

Subjective:  Proceeding from or taking place in a person's mind rather than the external

God is not the god of confusion, God is unchanging...

Well all I could find in my research was a big steamy pile of confusion shrouded in changes. 

Take for instance women. We hear talk a lot in the church about how important prophets were then so they should be now, because why would God want a mouthpiece for his people then for revelation and not now? That wouldn't make any sense.

So then why do women now dismiss polygamy because "well I don't need to worry about it, its not asked of ME now." What? Are we better women now than them, do we deserve better than they did?

Or the reverse -- Why is there a prophetess in the Old Testament? But not today?

How come looking back we know easily when a prophet was just "speaking as a man" but we don't seem to realize that in the moment. 1978 was NOT that long ago. The year I was born a black active LDS family would not be admitted into a temple. 

IF we are the one true church with direct revelation from God... one of those sides of the equation is off. Either the church is not true. Or god is a racist jerkface.

OR Option 3. Its all man-made. Funny how whatever opinion the person/church holds they seem convinced its god's directive as well. 

How about the scriptures? You are a loving parent you communicate with your children and THAT is the end result? Lots of bloodshed, rape, incest, murder, slavery, polygamy...spattered with loving sentiments and contradictions. 

How about the ten commandments? If you knew you would die tomorrow and you could only leave 10 rules about life for your children would FOUR be about how they think/worship YOU? 

It was all a ball of crazy as soon as I allowed myself to NOT look at it subjectively but objectively. 

Objective: Uninfluenced by emotions or personal prejudices

Then I started to notice that what I was hearing by those trying to help were rationalizations. 

Men rationalizing polygamy involving 14 year olds, women rationalizing their husbands being sealed to other women after they die. Many rationalizing not supporting gay marriage because it went against what "they believed". Many, many rationalizing building a mall while babies died from starvation. 

I don't know really what was the right choice but I stayed active for a long time when it was very hard. I kept going to church for months and months after I truly stopped believing. I was fighting to believe so I might not have even admitted "non-belief" to myself then. But it was there. 

I think that continuing to go has had its pros and cons, Pros in that I became truly solidified in my decisions. Kyle and I got on the same page gradually as inconsistencies became glaring. (That happens when you set aside the prejudice toward belief.) We could introduce questioning to the kids before we stopped going. 

The biggest con was that it started my hulk phase: 

I got angry. I could only see people I love unwilling to see what they are committed to. Finding out the truth about the church is like seeing your best friends husband with another woman. You tell her but she doesn't believe you. Her marriage is worth more than the truth to her. 

I want to shake every member by the shoulders and say. 

ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.

ITS JUST NOT.

Yes I know there is so much good... but there is good elsewhere!

Its like a cookie, a really really good cookie, but one chocolate chip is actually dog poop. 

Pascals Wager:

An argument in philosophy: It posits that humans all bet with their lives either that God exists or does not exist. Given the possibility that God actually does exist and assuming the infinite gain or loss associated with belief in God or with unbelief, a rational person should live as though God exists and seek to believe in God.  (from here)

In short Pascals wager is "what if you are wrong" 

I saw merit in that argument for a long time. If you are a faithful LDS member you will most likely lead a very good life. (that is if you are not gay, or feminist, or, I digress) So why not live as if the church is true and all will be ok either way. 

Rather than leave and it be true...

Well its like this you see,

You give up A LOT to be mormon. 

You are told what congregation to attend.
You don't request which calling you would like you are offered one 

Who to visit to teach and who will visit you.

Meetings and more meetings and meetings about meetings.

Told what to wear and what to eat and what to drink.

Admonished to have families be totally self reliant give 10% of your income, and then some more.
Spend your precious little time for date night at the temple as often as possible. 

Don't ask where that money goes. 

Spend 10,000 on a mission

Support your leaders no. matter. what.
Indexing!

But what if THIS is it. What if this beautifully wonderful fantastic but short life is IT.

Just think about that for a moment. A short life, now take away the time you must sleep. The time you must work. The time you must shower and eat. Take away your childhood and your very old age. What do you have left? 

Not tons of time. In that small slice of pie left do I want to spend it at mormon meetings hearing many of the same things over and over again, many inconsistencies and logical fallacies? Spend all that time talking about helping our fellow man but really just indexing? Indexing a lot. We like the dead, they don't ask as many questions about church history.

So Pascals wager doesn't work for me. 

IF there is a god.

IF that god is logical.

I will be judged for how I acted not what was in my head.

IF they are reasonable I can explain why I rejected what I rejected. Why I kept what I kept.

Even if I professed belief I would be lying.

If when I die, I go back to being elements for life on this earth to continue. If 3020 is the same to me as 1720 was, then I am going use every second of this life while I have it to live. I'll be honest with myself. Share my story. Help others. Enjoy my time, my body, my family. 

I have noticed myself moving through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. Just a little out of order, I've done denial, then bargaining, then depression, Now its anger. But little by little acceptance is taking hold. 

I feel like airing the rest of my frustrations will move me solidly into peace. I am making new friends. We are filling our lives with new endeavors and activities. Its staggering to realize how embedded the church was in our lives. Freeing to know its gone. 

fin.

Blind faith is an ironic gift to return to the Creator of human intelligence - unknown

He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool; he that dares not reason is a slave. - William Drummond

I was on Fox 4, The Big Latch On

Breastfeeding battle

Numbers are starting to come in from all over, last count is 14,000 babies latched on at the same time!

Happy World Breastfeeding Week

World Breastfeeding Week

August 1-7, 2013

1. To draw attention to the importance of Peer Support in helping mothers to establish and sustain breastfeeding.

2. To inform people of the highly effective benefits of Peer Counselling, and unite efforts to expand peer counselling programmes.

3. To encourage breastfeeding supporters, regardless of their educational background, to step forward and be trained to support mothers and babies. 

4. To identify local community support contacts for breastfeeding mothers, that women can go to for help and support after giving birth.

5. To call on governments and maternity facilities globally to actively implement the Ten Steps, in particular Step 10, to improve duration and rates of exclusive breastfeeding.

                                                 

Big Latch On Saturday August 3rd 10:00am 

At the Nappy Shoppe

3253 Independence Parkway, Plano, TX

Don't cry for me ... In which I address a patronizing blog comment.

I was just thinking about you and decided to read what was happening on your end since I don't get to read your Facebook posts anymore, but I feel so sad for you Janie. You let others talk you out of what you once knew to be true. That is what Satan wanted all along and he sure did get you good. I hope that one day you will come back and feel the goodness and mercy of the Atonement of the Savior. He loves you. And He weeps for this choice you have made. But He also awaits with open arms. 

A peek into Mormon passive aggression. I just want to break down this comment since there may be other readers thinking the same thing. 

1. "I feel so sad for you Janie."

I have also had someone say to my face "You are so sad." to which I replied no in fact I am not and that is offensive... to which they came back with "No you are saaaaadddd" (Picture puppy dog face and condescension) 

To anyone who is concerned, I am genuinely not sad. There were dark times coming to the realization that what I believed and what I was taught, and what I was teaching my children was inaccurate. Being on the fence, living for a year+ as an active Mormon deciding how to proceed, fighting for answers. That was hard. Life now is sweet and full of freedom and active truth seeking. Even IF I was sad, or IF you feel sad for me that is generally a rude thing to haphazardly claim about some one's life especially through a blog comment. I'd reserve statements of that nature for your closest friends and family. 

2.   "You let others talk you out of what you once knew to be true."

OH MY STARS ABOVE. no. just no.  No one talked me out of anything, In fact there was NO one to really talk to about this. This has inspired me to fully address my deconversion story it is way too much to outline in one post. But this sentence alone shows me that the person is not really a blog reader of mine, did not follow my faith crisis posts or does not have the intellect to follow the reasoning that I had to go through. 

Or how about this? Talk me back into it. Who even talked me into the church in the first place? I was baptized when I still believed in Santa Claus. Think about that for a minute. I took the Gospel SERIOUSLY, I stumbled onto questionable church history WHILE I WAS BEING A GOOD MEMBER MISSIONARY. I took the entire process slowly from the first two emails to close friends to talks with the Bishops and scriptorians not a single issue I have struggled with has been met with satisfactory answers. So before you throw out something as simple as that someone talked me out of.... why don't you address the issues instead? 

3. "what Satan wanted all along and he sure did get you good. " 

Oh I forgot how shame ridden and fearful the gospel truly is... Satan is out to get you and don't stray from whatever correlated church materials there are or the scriptures because social isolationists and the Devil await. This is what my life looks like now:

I raise my children, I take care of my home (not well enough) Kyle and I are madly in love, we watch a little TV at night sometimes religious vs. atheism debates and yell at the logical fallacies like its football, if we get to bed after the kids but before we are exhausted we make love, I read too much and blab some on facebook, I breastfeed two babies several times a day, I am building new friendships, I teach and help moms have great births, I take my kids to the park, sometimes we swim, soon I will have four in school, we barely scrap by but still try to give a little to things like the Wounded Warriors Project and Midwifery charities. I might say more bad words than I like but I do try hard to help others. 

If I am the product of Satan's evil grasp then the world should not be too worried. I think most would be ok with me as a neighbor. 

Public Service Announcment - Satan does not exist - I already addressed that here. 

4. " I hope that one day you will come back and feel the goodness and mercy of the Atonement of the Savior "

I find the concept of the Atonement illogical. I addressed that here 

And there is no need for you to hope or worry, I prayed haaard, hard, hard when I was going through this and I made it clear to any deities anywhere what I would need for belief. I'll let you know if they get back to me. Answers would also be good ... but those aren't to be had. Just ask this guy. 

5. "He loves you."

And Santa Claus loves you. 

6. "And He weeps for this choice you have made."

And... we are back to shame. This is the 'I know what Jesus thinks', I have peered into his thoughts and he told me that you made him cry. 

So thank you for coming to my blog and letting me know I made Jesus cry. Since you can know his thoughts can you also let me know if it made him cry when his Prophet Joseph Smith married a 14 year old girl, even though she didn't want to?


7. "But He also awaits with open arms."

Ok cool. Since ya'll are so tight and all, can you get him a message?

There are babies dying from malaria ...

right. 
now.

'preciate it. 

What if you built your own religion?

Listening to a podcast one day the caller questioned whether or not humanism could properly address racism and its negative effects. Matt Dillahunty explained a concept that I had never been exposed to before and I can't stop thinking about it:

To address equality ...Think of any system (a company, a family, a school, a religion, government, city, state, country, world) And 'build' it not knowing what part of it you will be.

So if you were to build a company, you would imagine and design every facet and position within not knowing if when the business is set to go what part in it you will be. You will pull out of a hat your position - it could be CEO or it could be janitor. If the world really operated liked that could it be a lot better?

It has also been a strong confirmation to me that the church is not true.

If a man sat a drawing board with the instruction to build a religion but wouldn't know if he'd wake up a female in that faith... I don't think most religions would look the way that they do.

In Mormonism would men be comfortable making their covenants through their spouse?
Or spending more on the young men's youth programs than the young women's?
Or having only men sitting up on the stand?
Would the hierarchy of the church be all male?
Priesthood limited to men?
Would polygamy and polyandry have taken place?
Would the LGBT community be so poorly treated?

I also read that if all that is known about religion and science were to disappear tomorrow, science would eventually get back to where it is now, religion could return but it would be different.


Here is the segment that has been brain food to chew on.


I have spent a lot of time reading, watching religion debates and being absolutely inspired by Neil deGrasse Tyson, its fascinating what you can learn when you step out of your worldview and open up to new concepts

Nola's Blessing Day

On a sunny day we went to the park as a family to bless our sweet Nola with our thoughts and hopes for her. While we have had a major change in our life, abandoning all tradition is not something we were ready for, and this was very special because we could all participate in a way we couldn't in a traditional LDS baby blessing. 

We all said what we hoped for Nola's future, every single family member. Grandma talked about the bond with her even before her birth. Popa Tony expressed how very cool her name is. Nana spoke of her never ending smile and hope for that joy to continue. Brothers and Sisters all said "I love you" in their way and we are so glad you are in our family. Aunt Meg talked about how we need each other as a family and each other's help. Kyle and I expressed deep deep love for her, our baby. 

Since this was a first for me, I wrote mine down, and after all was said we released the balloons to celebrate her future.

Nola Anne this is a different blessing than the one I thought about for you, but you are way too loved to let this moment pass without welcoming your life and blessing you with our hopes for the future

You own no one any thing but being good natured to others and pursuing the happiness this world has to offer.

Go where you heart leads you while knowing there are all of us here around you now that love you more than you can comprehend

Cora is one whole hand! FIVE

Equal is Equal.

I have this cheesy (read fantastic) idea, Kyle and I should do blog battles, some way some how blog the convos that we have back and forth. I may be partial, but I think our dinner discussions and chats that we somehow manage to have over the roar of six kids are pretty damn interesting. Kyle brings the brilliance and I bring the emotion. Last night's discussion that continued when he got a chance to call me at lunch morphed into him writing this blog post, without further ado... 

(PS. I said every good blog post needs a pic, he firmly requested a baby squirrel.) 

from here

A guest blog from Kyle:

I do not often post my thoughts publicly; preferring, instead, to share them in more personal conversations with those close to me. The recent rulings by the Supreme Court and the ensuing uproar have spurred me to depart from that behavior.

Up until maybe two years ago, I identified as Republican. Then I realized that the Republican Party as an organization no longer believed or practiced the ideals that I believe in: limited government, fiscal responsibility, personal accountability, adherence to the Constitution, and freedom of the people to name a few. Instead, Republican politicians proclaim these values to get elected and then abandon them once they are in office (massive expansion of govt, massive debt, out of control departments and programs, bills that are voted on without anyone even READING). To be fair, I think the same situation exists for the Democrats as well – espousing principles of helping the poor and needy, equality for all, fairness, etc… - then legislating nothing but more govt and power for themselves. I still tend to vote Republican but identify as Conservative or Libertarian.

So it has been with mounting disgust and embarrassment that I have read the comments on various news sites from ‘Republicans’ / ‘Conservatives’ regarding the gay marriage decisions. These comments run from ‘homosexuality is a sin’ to ‘gays will burn in hell’ to ‘why do they have to do that in public’ to ‘they just want to shove this down our throats’. The amount of hatred and vitriol is barely kept in check by many of these people and I have yet to see any of them approach the issue with a rational defense of their position based on the law, the Constitution, or anything other than their personal beliefs. I am embarrassed that these comments are coming from the same people who would identify as the same political philosophy I do.

Putting the vitriolic nature of these comments aside and looking at them based on their (lack of) merits:

The arguments based on the Bible (ie: it is a sin / abomination):

            - First of all, religion should not dictate laws. ‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…’ To my knowledge, this is the only mention of religion within the Constitution or its Amendments. Nowhere does it state that laws should be established based on the beliefs of a particular religion. Frankly, that would be really bad because…

            - Which religion should we base our laws on? Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Mormon, Lutheran, Presbyterian… What about Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist... This is exactly what the section of the Constitution above is designed to prevent – any religion, no matter how prevalent in the current society, from becoming the law of the land.

            - Which Bible? The wiki on Bible editions shows 96 different versions classified as ‘complete translations’. 96!!! I knew there were a lot but seriously? How can any person definitively state their version is the absolute undeniable word of God when there are so many different variations? And to not only say that your version is correct but to then use that to condemn a person based on it? I am sorry but that is not what I think Jesus would do. I was going to break down the few (3) actual scriptures I have seen quoted but that seems irrelevant at this point. Judge not lest ye be judged.

As for the arguments based on society/culture (for lack of a better classification) (ie: ‘Why do they have to be in public like that?’ and ‘Eww, can you believe they actually expect us to be okay with them calling it marriage’). While it was slightly before my time, these arguments sound remarkably similar to those made by the ‘moral authority’ during a different issue. Let’s change them just slightly and see what we think: ‘Why do they have to be in the same public places as us?’ and ‘Eww, can you believe they actually expect us to be okay with them eating in the same restaurants as us?’ Too much? Maybe, but society wouldn’t condone those statements today so why do we condone similar ones just because it is a different classification of people? Equal is Equal.

Before seeing these comments and, frankly, before actually writing my own thoughts down, I never would have called myself a ‘supporter of gay rights’. But I can find absolutely no justification in the opposite argument and the attempts by those in that camp to justify their position only make their position weaker. For those of you that know me and my recent departure from faith, you may be thinking my opinions are based on that change. You would be wrong. Even when I was a self-proclaimed Christian (LDS), I had trouble supporting the opposition to gay marriage. Basically, I asked myself this question: ‘How does the marriage of two men or two women cheapen or in any way negatively affect my own marriage?’ The only honest answer I had was ‘It does not’. So how could I possibly stand for denying the same recognition of love that I have enjoyed for many years with my wife from any of my fellow human beings?

(p.s. I do have a major issue with the WAY in which the court handled Prop8 but that could be an entire book on its own)

- Kyle.