Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Thanks Joseph Smith, Jr.

We could do it
If anyone could, It would be us
I'd navigate my doubts
And we would be an anomaly

Then you said,  "This."
"This, I won't talk about with you"
That moment told me more than ALL the books
It was a vast library in one statement

If tables were turned
I would have read every book for you
Faced every question you asked,  "This"
"This I will talk about with you"

You never yelled, never got mad
You put it in a compartment and ignored
Being ignored hurts more
Solitary amongst the noise

It faded away, talking waned to typing
typing became mere texts
You still can't talk
And I can no longer be ignored

Water moved under the bridge
A sea of change in droplets
The new question now was - What hurts more?
Watching it rot? or Watching it burn?

If you would only talk to me
What scares you more-
That I might be hateful?
Or that I might be logical?

The erosion of friendship painted a mural
A game of percentages
Day to day casual of the 75 percent yet never
Authenticity for the whole

I went all in
And called the bluff
Talk to me or I've had enough
Again I heard that I had heard before

"This, I won't talk about with you"
Out of self preservation
I toe tagged the friendship

Had I killed it or only admitted defeat?
Put out on the table
What could not be said

Can the devout walk with those who doubt?
Can the apostate and the believer
See eye to eye?
They can only try.

But us?
We could not talk about it. 


Ryann said...

Beautiful. Maybe this could help some people understand where you are coming from. *HUGS*

shahna said...

The devout CAN be friends with those who doubt. My sister and brother and mother are no longer members and I still love them dearly. I'm still your friend, Janie and only hope for good things for your sweet family.

Janie said...

Shahna, I would really like to think so but I think of the paradigms we work under in this world they are the most extreme opposites. Can we be friendly? Absolutely. But "friends" like pal around with friends... I don't see it.
Add in mormonism and the extreme demands it makes on a person/family's time - meetings, callings, temple, youth activities, stake activities on and on and on. I don't see friendships flourishing there. Its almost time wise impossible even IF the huge differences in thinking weren't big elephants in the room anymore. I mean we live what? ... 7 miles apart and haven't seen each other in ... almost 2 years? It's not anyone's fault. It just is.