I have six kids and I'm sticky.

I have six kids.

I have some advice about that,  did you have a comment about six kids pop up in your mind? If so, lets get that out of the way. For the record: YES I KNOW WHAT CAUSES THAT.

(Wipes forehead)

My husband and I wanted a big family. Now we have one. I can guarantee I don't have more patience, skills, or sanity than you. Here are some tips about how I manage a household of eight:

1. Lowered expectations.

This one is sort of self explanatory, but just in case you are a self proclaimed perfectionist let me introduce you to this: Life is not perfect. If you add children especially many children to that equation there will be a high ratio of non perfect moments in the mix. That is ok. There is beauty to be found even on the days where there is too much yelling and crying and everything in your house is sticky. Learn to laugh and practice it often. Laugh at yourself and make sure to do it in front of the kids. Let them see you get frustrated and let them see you get over it.

2. Get over any hang-ups you have about poop.

All moms, but especially moms to many deal in the currency of poop. You have to breastfeed enough, buy groceries enough, prepare said groceries enough so that everyone makes some poop. Then you have to change the diapers, run the toddler to the toilet, assure them they won't fall in, make sure everyone is wiping, and teach the older ones how to clean a toilet before they are one day parents themselves dealing in the currency of poop.  Skip the gagging. It just adds time and you have better things to do.

3. Chores.

Always clean with one goal in mind. Get rid of 50% of the items in any given room. Don't worry. Somehow no matter what you do - the stuff will return in one form or another.  Socks? Give up. Get a GIANT basket throw the socks in and let everyone fend for themselves. They aren't helping enough anyway. Dishes. Everything must be dishwasher safe, if its not, you didn't want it to own it. Trust me. Resist the urge to put sticky children in the dishwasher, though they are top rack safe, they don't fit. Clothes. Sort? who has time for that, like dishes if it requires sorting you didn't want to own it anyway. Ironing? Oh you're killing me, that's a funny one. Safe cleaners? Water, Vinegar, and Elbow Grease in that order take care of most things and all three are safe enough for the kids to drink. They will get to all secured spots they aren't supposed to get to. This is physics 101.

4. Discipline.

Treat them like criminals that you love dearly. With six, your eyes can't be on every single one at all times, so lock the front door or the two year old will be in the front yard naked in about five minutes no matter the season. In the parking lot everyone must have a hand on the car or grocery cart at ALL TIMES - no exception. If they are very young I recommend tying them to you. I would suggest this under the term babywearing, see? criminals I tell ya. In places where they can roam free the rule is this: They have to see mom from wherever they are. Don't say "stay where I can see you" that is absolutely meaningless to them because as far as they are concerned you can hover in midair. If they must see you it makes it a little more sense to them.

5. Wax paper sheets.

Finally some real advice. Buy, at a warehouse store of your choice, food service wax paper sheets in the box. (hangs head I know they are disposable) but they are less bulky than paper plates and are biodegradable They are perfect for snacks, sandwiches, crafts, bottom of the microwave, lining veggie drawers, and cutting down on the general stickiness of your house. When you are doing dishes for eight people you'd be amazed at the ways you can rock the wax paper sheet.

6.  Embrace it all.

Smile and say "I love you" a bunch. When you have a big family, there is always someone to talk to, someone to cuddle with, someone to come home to, and something sticky in your life.

Map out your questioning.

I have new advice. Over time, since I have been open about my disaffection, some have in confidence shared that they are also doubting the church's claims. They wonder what resources might help. I generally share the sources that I found to be credible or at least not intensely slanted in either direction for or against the church.

Now that its not quite so emotional, I have started to think back over the map of my own apostasy and I wish I could do it over again. So here goes for time machine advice to myself:

First, Deeply consider one question:

IF there is evidence that the church is not what it claims to be, do you want to know?

For me the answer is yes because the truth is that important to me that I have a grasp on it even if it does not meld with what I want to be true. But if you can not say the same, do not go any further. When you stumble on info like Joseph Smith sent men on missions and married their wives while they were away. Or that he had sex with other women then when found out, claimed divine intervention, or that there are multiple versions of the first vision. IF those do not sit well in your mind, or you are capable of doubting the sources. Then by all means do that. Do exactly what Uctdorf says and doubt the doubts.

If like me, you must know, you want information from as many direct sources as possible and trained historians. Then here is the advice from my perspective:


1. Stop and breathe, decide in your mind that no matter what, you will take the process slowly. Read and investigate voraciously but continue to live as you are, no brash decision to stop going to church or activities. I think it actually helped my leaving that I went to church every Sunday during my disaffection and research.

2. Value objectivism over emotion. Religion is emotional and deals with our deepest existential fears. Table those emotions as best you can.

3. DO NOT CONTINUE ON WITH LDS MATERIAL at this point. Stop and start somewhere else:
-Get a very firm grip on logical fallacies and how to formulate an argument without flaws.
-Investigate the basic debates on deities.
-Decide your personal parameters for investigating truth.

4. Go back to the scriptures with the expectation that the creator of all the universe be somewhat logical. This site has scriptures organized by topic to aid your reading. Consider how you would communicate with your children and compare the information in the scriptures, including slavery and racism. In other words go read your scriptures but let critical thinking trump your feelings.

5. When you have a working knowledge of logical fallacies and investigating claims rationally return to investigating general claims of Mormonism but not church history yet. I'd start with rationalizing the plan of salvation: Pre-existence

6. Read books by non-believers and how they arrived there.
Losing my Religion by Lobdell
Deconverted by Seth Andrews
Why People Believe Weird Things by Shermer

7. Get into science.
StarTalk Radio
Big Think
The most astounding fact
Storytelling of Science
Radiolab

8. Now you are ready to Dig into church history.

9. Make your list of reasons to stay and reasons to leave, defend both positions logically to yourself.

10. Share with loved ones slowly and carefully as you feel ready. Preface conversations with the hope that the conversation can remain objective. "We discuss without tearful testimony sharing"


I went through my journey backwards, I was full of emotion and anger and had no clue about logical arguments so while I flopped like a dying fish - unable to recapture belief but fearful of the supernatural everything in my life was scary. I waited for signs that would never come. Every flat tire or tight paycheck was a sign of doom that I was a bad person just for questioning. A pregnancy laden with fear because surely I would be punished or have "blessings withheld".

Paradigm shifts are extremely difficult, they can only be handled rationally or you will be tugged at from every single direction with your free will abused with emotion, personal history, relationships, love and want.

Reason, Observation and Experience — the Holy Trinity of Science — have taught us that happiness is the only good; that the time to be happy is now, and the way to be happy is to make others so. This is enough for us. In this belief we are content to live and die. If by any possibility the existence of a power superior to, and independent of, nature shall be demonstrated, there will then be time enough to kneel. Until then, let us stand erect. - Robert Ingersoll