Tis the season for band.

Tis the season for performances. Ella performed with the Honor Choir at the local mall and Prosper Country Christmas

Benjamin performed in the Middle School Band's Christmas concert. The middle school band is so big they perform at the high school and they have to split into two bands with two different performances.

 see him back there?

 Ella made those iced sugar cookies completely from scratch. I'm talking royal icing from SCRATCH and I did not help AT ALL. Like I wasn't even in the kitchen. 

Letting your little ones help in the kitchen pays dividends folks!

 Though Kyle says I need to make Benjamin help more. He says the 11 year old boys have to cook their own food on campouts and watching them all struggle to dice potatoes was pretty hard. You don't really saw back and forth to chop potatoes.

 A man that can rock a baby to sleep and then holds him through the game because he enjoys the warm baby cuddles.... that man is a keeper.

and with a beard.. seriously, seriously sexy.

Like I need him to give me more babies sexy.

(confession here... I LOVE the song 5 o'clock in the morning.** And the older kids get the gist of the song so I  totally wig them out by singing it to Kyle.

 like screaming "MOOOMMMMM.. eww. gross")

cracks.

me.

up.

its good to know your parents are madly in love.

This song wigs them out too: Gimme some lovin.

** standard MTV fare not really safe for kids.

It is easy to scare women about their bodies.

You see this lady right here is one of my heros - If I got to meet her I think I'd bear hug her and spin her around the room. Her book was one of the biggest sources of strength for me second to the Book of Mormon in preparing for natural childbirth.

She is a beatnick turned midwife who tirelessly recorded data of the births she tended. And has become one of the most renowned midwives in the world who even has a technique named after her for safely getting a baby out with shoulder dystocia. The Gaskin Manuever.

She was recently awarded a Right livelihood Award also known as the "altenative Nobel"...Her acceptance speech was an amazing critque of the current state of affairs in modern obstetrics. Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

"When surgical and technological interventions in birth become the norm rather than the exception, the profession of midwifery loses its basis for existence, and obstetrics itself no longer encompasses the skills and knowledge that were once considered essential competencies of the profession.


What is often missed is that excessive cesarean rates have other negative consequences than the loss of midwifery and obstetrical knowledge and skills. Simply put, as rates rise beyond 15-20%, more women die from complications such as pulmonary embolism, infection, hemorrhage, and a sharp increase in placental complications in subsequent pregnancies. None of the countries with the highest cesarean rates can report on low maternal death rates. This is especially true of the U.S., where women now face at least twice the chance of dying from pregnancy-related causes as their mothers did. In California, between 1996 and 2006, the maternal death rate tripled, with much of the increase being attributed to an excess of cesareans. 


If all countries put the welfare of mothers and babies at the center of maternity care policy, midwifery would have to grow strong again. In some countries, such as my own, it will be necessary to greatly increase the number of midwives as just one of the ways to prevent complications and to reduce rates of medical intervention in birth. We’ll need lots of doulas as we make this transition. Midwives need to have a say in the major issues surrounding birth. In countries where they currently work under the intense domination of obstetricians, the work will be to bring the relationship back to one of balance. Midwives cannot allow obstetricians to bully them, because doing so is almost certain to mean that laboring women will be the next ones to be bullied. 


Attempts to make home birth illegal in any country will only distract from the real problems and exacerbate them, since planned home birth for healthy women provides a necessary safety valve for women who want a wider range of choice than their hospital might offer and a learning opportunity for midwives to learn about women in their natural state. Home birth midwives must be able to make a living from their work, and insurance companies should not be permitted to keep home birth midwives from being compensated for their work. Home birth midwives are being persecuted in almost every country, even in The Netherlands, where home birth services have a long and honorable tradition. I believe the development of a country can be measured by the degree to which it respects the right of a birthing mother to receive a woman centered birthing experience, whether the birth occurs in a home or hospital setting. 


Birth shouldn’t be thought of as money-making commodity or condition in which large institutions or governments control and dictate how women will give birth, ignoring individual mother’s wishes and needs. Inevitably, this too often puts bullies in charge of women’s bodies, something no other mammalian species allows. Some countries have midwives who are totally subordinate to physicians. In these countries, it’s typical for very harsh methods of birth care to be applied, and outcomes show this. It’s time to stop this sort of behavior. Traditional peoples, indigenous people don’t permit such behavior. We need to learn from them."





if you are pregnant you want her books on your wishlist this Christmas! Here they all are.

God sent me at the right time.

A thought occured to me while in the bathtub tonight.  Breastfeeding amenorrhea has ended so I could conceive... but I need to avoid morning sickness until after my little sister's wedding in March. So this means a window has closed. If I'd got pregnant before the first of the year I'd deliver before my 35th birthday.

But now if we are so blessed to have another child I will deliver under the umbrella of what modern medicine calls "Advanced Maternal Age".

Ugh.

It kind of reminds me of when I first realized I am considered "morbidly obese"
Advanced maternal age just sounds so...

ominous.

I'll ignore the fear that can come with titles like that. But there is a part of me that is sad to think my reproductive years are winding down. Now that I have an 11 year old. Five years doesn't seem so long after all. I don't know when menopause will start for me (I come from a long line of women who had to have early hysterectomies so I really don't know) but regardless, 40 isn't too far off.
And no matter what we ever do, I will ALWAYS want options. Ya know if I want a baby at 90 then I want a baby. (I'm joking...well maybe.)

I regret the years on birth control hormones and the IUD. They were decisions that felt right at the time when life seemed so long and money so short. But now I realize like sands through the hour glass... my potential for childbearing is but a short part of my life. And my heart breaks so much for the those who go through infertility. I really can't imagine the heartbreak. Its the one thing that makes me want to punch God in the face. And that may be blasphemy but its true. A woman right now somewhere is terminating a pregnancy or neglecting a child while other women cry themselves to sleep hoping that this month will be the month. I know there are answers to quell my anger with the Man above.. but I'll just have to take it up with him myself.

Facing my future, whatever it will be, made glad I am living in this time and place.

I used to be convinced I was born in the wrong era. I should have been born some time where I could take my attitude and be, ya know: radical.

I like to think I would have been on the front lines of the civil rights movement.

I would have made a good early LDS pioneer. I'm hearty. I can walk and walk and walk. I can birth without drugs.

I would have been a good hippie. I like the music. I love activism - just give me a cause and I fight for it.  Long wild hair and skirts and Bob Dylan. I'm so there.

I would have been a good early feminist. Janie vs. inequality.

Me and the status quo don't get along so well. If the majority start to agree I start to question. I don't mind if my choices stand out. So maybe I wasn't born in the wrong time or place after all. I live in a time where the choice to be completely "traditional" : at home, pregnant in the kitchen, with lots of babies, is in and of itself radical.

Special Friends Day

I am so glad to be these gals "special friend"

the one thing I would INSIST on in ANY birth

A pet topic of mine has made a resurgence in the news lately. Funny when 'back to basics' becomes new science.

There is a new video up explaining the benefits of delayed cord clamping by Penny Simkin.
Penny Simkin is amazing - her videos of relaxation techniques really helped Kyle and I prepare for natural birth. anywho back to the topic at hand:

Immediate cord clamping is like having a major blood hemorrhage for the baby.

Babies that get their cord blood have increased iron levels at 4 months old! Article HERE

Even if baby needs resuscitation that can be done on mom's chest and they need that blood and oxygen even MORE SO!

poor little Cora :(

Jaundice - I can only offer anecdotal evidence but of five babies the only one who did not have jaundice was PJ and he didn't have his cord cut until after the placenta was delivered.

Delayed cord clamping CAN be done in a c-section. - they can wait holding the baby there for 2 minutes. It may freak out the nurses but it can be done.

If you have a precipitous delivery (don't make it to the hospital/birth center) in time. Please do not tie off the cord - especially with a dirty shoe lace - yuck. Don't let the paramedics clamp either, Wrap baby up with placenta when/if it comes and go to where you intended to birth. Be warned no discount if you birth in the car even if they do nothing but let you shower at the hospital and you have to pay to get your car detailed LOL.




 I did a comparison video of  PJ and Cora's birth (I'd love to add video of Benjamins but its a non-PG shot and rather violent forceps delivery) In this video I show the difference in how the cord was handled. - the video is silent to start, there is much more footage of pushing than in my original birth video and the complete third stage (delivery of placenta) which is not easy to find in homebirth videos:

Dr. Oz rubs his eyes real stressed out like.

Dr. Oz (he doesn't deserve such a cool name - I should see about revoking his rights)
hosted Dr. Glenn Gaesser on his show to discuss...

cue jaws theme...


dun...dun...DUNNNN...


Obesity is not the health crisis that we think it is. Click on that link to see the episode. - its choice in the most ridiculous sense. Dr. Oz gets so mad he keeps rubbing his forehead and just guffawing at the fact that you might be able to be fat & fit.

Keep in mind he makes his LIVING off of scaring people about their health. In fact he opens with saying the majority of americans are dying from one thing and one thing only - THEIR WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Breathe free thin folks, you get to live forever!!!

Gaesser got an invite to the show after he left this youtube video response to a previous episode.

Bread = crack?



Now once you see the episode ( its in the link up there - I can't embed because then we'd miss out on the weight loss plugs on his website) you can watch Ragen's rebuttal:



Please read her blog here to partake in more of her awesomeness!

Remember in all of this Doctors are not immune to the same crap info about weight and health that all of us are subject too. Dietitians and nutritionists either. Research has been hidden for years on this. Don't ever turn your own instinct over to someone because they have more education than you or are a professional - unless what they are selling makes sense. For me Dr. Linda and Dr. Gaesser make sense. Dr. Oz is a toddler having a tantrum because his meal ticket is being threatened.

It benefits no industry to say its not that big of a deal what size you are -

eat healthy and move your body.

got it?

My garden

I think we are winding down for the year. That and the evil spawn dogs keep breaking into it and making me lose all motivation to till and care for it...Yet despite those issues it has still produced:

 beets and green beans

 carrots

 and wee little pumpkins

still have lettuce and cilantro in the ground figured I'd let that keep going 

Get ready for next year ask for this book for Christmas or get it from the library now - its hard to find it in garden season:

Square foot gardening

The garden forums here are amazing 

Large family dines out

Janie at Wendy's 2006

No matter how frugal or health conscience one tries to be there will come a time when schedule and desire out weigh the desire to not eat out.

Having said that I do have to say that frugal shopping, meal planning, keeping track of whats in the freezer, pantry and food storage and eating at home is the #1 way for us to save money. But when we are not able to be home, my mom mojo is flat out or we really want a treat these are the ways we save money:

-Eat where there is bare concrete under your feet (aka. Sams club/Costco)  Can't beat a pizza and a drink for $1.88 - you can also eat pretty cheap at Target especially if your kids like hot dogs.

-Don't forget about grocery stores there are some places with some fancy nice salad bars. You can even eat well at hospital cafeterias - one in Richmond out paced local restaurants in popularity. And don't forget about the Temple cafeteria for mom & dad - have you had their Steak on a friday night? Delish!!

- Convince your children early that happy meals are a waste of money - Things I say are: I can buy you more toys at the store if I don't buy happy meals here, you get to pick from more things off the dollar menu than the happy meal has, etc...

- We don't upsize or add on.

-Buffets are not a good deal!! - Buffets are EXPENSIVE - and your kids eating the fried crap and jello squares to the tune of $9.50 sucks. We've still done them but its in NO way frugal

- Water cups are your best friend.  A super large icee at the movie theater for $5 can be split for four kids with water cups. At coldstone creamery a small scoop and one mix in for 6 will run you almost $30, a pint with 2 mix ins and four water cups will run you $9.

-Drink water. Add lemon if its texas unfiltered water, If you are feeling adventurous add lemon and one sugar packet. (still much less sugar than soda)

-At a sit down restaurant - one or two side items may be cheaper than one meal off the kids menu. Two or three kids splitting an adult meal can be cheaper as well. Extra plates are as much your friend as those water cups.

-Ask the waiter for extra plates and napkins when you place your order, they don't seem to mind large families splitting meals as much as large families sending them back to the kitchen numerous times.

- TIP WELL!! - even if you use a coupon, free kids meals, and split dinners - STILL tip as though you didn't. They are not waiting on your table out of charity. What you spend on tips will always pay rewards in karma.

- Some nicer establishments can be cheaper and much healthier if you play your cards right. Jason's Deli is a good deal and close in price to McDonalds if you order conservatively. And if you eat inside there is free ice cream!

- For families with five children or more old enough to not share - seriously consider the CATERING menu.
Most catering menus will feed 7+ and will save you TONS. Chick-fil-a and subway are two that come to mind with good catering menus. Rosa's $20 fajita meal was more than our family could eat - thats a great deal too!

- Put food coupons in your CAR - you may set them on the counter just in case but impulse usually hits in the car after some outing that took longer than expected and those coupons are on the island in your kitchen.
Pay attention to where the coupons are valid - if you drive to some place and realize they don't accept the coupon but you're really in the mood for that place now - BAM, they got ya at full price! Don't hesitate to ask though - some will take the coupon just to get your business!

-Check the internet for places where kids eat free - Its almost always free kids for every adult meal. Score for parents of two! We now order three adult meals and three free kids meals.

- When your food comes - decide what will keep well as leftovers and save that for last. French fries don't keep but fajita meat saves excellently. A dinner out is easier swallowed if there is enough for Dad's lunch the next day too.

- If you are sharing and want to avoid the I didn't get as much - don't let the kids see the portions from the start - dump all the french fries in the bag and rip the top half of the bag off.

-Sometimes you don't really want to "eat out" you just don't want to eat at home - even grilled cheese sandwiches are fun if you take them down to the park to eat.

Frugality without creativity is deprivation.

Amy Dacyczyn

What if you really did throw it away?

This is the one area of body acceptance that I have very much struggled with.
I've worked hard to accept my body just the way it is - but I always have that number in the back of my head. I generally do know how much I weigh.
I took the scale out of the bedroom but I couldn't get rid of it so I slid it under the dresser and would take it out on random days and despite the pep talk I gave myself, I would still use that number to beat myself up the rest of the day. Nothing else is quite as quantitative and unkind: I'm fatter than I was X days ago. Who-hoo I lost X lbs. At least I'm skinnier than her. Oh man I probably weigh 50 lbs more than.... on and on and on... If anyone can weigh themselves with completely neutral or  positive thoughts my hats off to them.


I put certain weights that I've been at in my life on pedestals.

The weight I was the day I married.

The weight I was before my first positive pregnancy test.

The weight I've gained in pregnancies.

The most weight I've lost after a pregnancy.

The weight before the wreck that birth control pills, depo provera and nuva ring did to my body.  That nuva ring almost killed me.

I play little games to congratulate myself:

How much I weigh in relation to my menstrual cycle...

How much I weigh in relation to Kyle...

Did I weigh with clothes, without clothes, wet hair, dry hair, first thing in the morning....

The mental games get kind of ridiculous.

Does it matter what I weighed in 1999, why is a stat from that year dictate how I feel today?  If I am bloated does that mean I should be extra depressed today too?  I started wondering after reading HAES, what would I be like if I really truly didn't know my weight?  I even started wondering about my children - If I balk at the BMI testing at school when does weighing have benefits and not have benefits?

At the premiere of America the Beautiful - there was a question and answer session with the director Darryl Roberts and the lead therapist at a Eating Disorder treatment center - the eating disorder facility was promoting the film tour.

I asked:

"As a mother, what is my responsibility in regards to weighing my children? How often should it be done and for that matter, how often should I weigh myself?"

What she said was refreshing but still a little shocking:

"I think we'd all be better off if we NEVER weighed. - there are times in our history and present cultures that do not weigh themselves at all. There are far more risks to our psyche from fretting about our weight than risks to not knowing what that number is."


Since her answer I have daydreamed about a life where I never knew what I weighed and it seemed rather refreshing to think about.
How much sadness have I let wash over me on the days where I felt thinner and the scaled disagreed. What if I had just walked out of my bedroom that morning feeling thinner? I would have been in a better mood - done more things with a kick of self confidence instead of sulking in to my kitchen berating myself.

If I had never gotten into the habit of weighing would I compare Janie after five kids to Janie the day she married and feel like a failure? Probably not.

I have even daydreamed about a child - never in its life weighed! can you imagine?

A birth announcement that says - a beautiful baby boy/girl has entered our life.  And outdated growth charts and body size percentiles politely declined at each dr. appointment?

The only two situations that I can possibly think of needing to know weight:

1. failure to thrive in an infant/ child - there are markers that would be present that would indicate taking accurate weights is needed. A child not adequately nourished will have more symptoms than just weight loss: lethargy, decreased urine/stool, etc... As for my babies there is pretty accurate information that they are putting on weight - I'm putting up too small clothes by week 2 of their little lives.

2. Medication dosage based on weight.  I can see the need for this. But you can request that you are weighed and not told the number.   Though in general I have asked about this issue MANY times with different health care professionals and I have been told it doesn't matter. Take advil for instance - for children its by weight but not for adults, ballpark I weigh almost twice the amount of my good friend - but by the bottle of advil we take the same dosage? I ask the doctor should I take more? and I get chuckled at - "no you're fine" and the question mark remains over my head
In c-sections for fat moms there is documented evidence that not enough antibiotics are administered and it leads to higher prevalence of infections. So, moms are told they have to know their weight for medication purposes but then don't adjust the levels of medicine anyway.



My guide to letting go of "that" number:

Decide the personal pros/cons of not knowing your weight:

-Does weighing yourself make you happy? Are you psychologically benefiting from knowing?  Could you find other indicators to track your health if that motivates you? Clothes size/fitting? How you feel? energy level?

- Are you demonstrating misplaced values to your children, specifically your daughters by weighing frequently and your subsequent mood? Eating disorders often start with frequent self weighing and body snarking.

- Are you aware of all the facets to body size that are not in your control? Or are you beating yourself up for the number that stares back at you? If something tells you daily that you are a failure its a relationship that needs to end.

- Do you give up on exercise routines that don't deliver at the scale? Instead of finding exercise that you enjoy and will do for fun?

-How often do you say - I did it (fill in the blank... triathlon, marathon, diet, etc.) but then say " but the weight came back!" - Basically taking away your feeling of accomplishment because the number didn't stay in the happy zone.



HOW TO STOP:

1. Throw away the scale, or give it to goodwill, but I rather enjoy daydreaming of a modern world without them.

2. Decide now that actual markers of health - mental, social, spiritual, nutritional will be your markers of importance and not your body size or weight.

3. The short time you spent stepping up on that thing instead face yourself mentally or in the mirror and say "Darling you look marvelous"

4. Do not let the school weigh your children. And discuss with your pediatrician options to avoid the scale at well visits. I understand most mothers will find comfort in knowing their child's weight - so that is a personal decision. But I would implore mothers and fathers to not discuss your concerns about your child's body in front of them. They are children and deserve to not give things vastly out of their control time and mental stress. Trust me that if their body size is out of the bell curve either below or above society will point that out enough for them.

5. At the doctors for yourself, cue jaws theme... this may take the most chutzpah of all, here is a sample script when the nice medical assistant walks you to the scale:

"I am sorry I don't weigh, you can write "patient declines" in my chart - if the doctor prescribes medicine that you need my weight for I'll come back out here."

"I am here for a sore throat, my weight doesn't need to be taken its irrelevant"

"I suffer from body image difficulties I'd prefer not to weigh."

or there is always the simple when they gesture to the scale: "no thank you"

If you have an un-supportive doctor then they are not very forward thinking and I'd take my business elsewhere.  After I recommended they read Health at Every Size.

Don't let the bully take up anymore space in your bathroom or your life!


also interesting was the three keys to success that the therapist outlined for people that did heal from an eating disorder, she said all three needed to be present:

* They stop weighing themselves. (she emphasized that the prevalence of eating disorders would slow if we never started this trend to begin with.)
* They journal their progress and feelings.
* They seek out another person during stressful times instead of disordered past patterns (calorie restriction, over-exercise, binging, or vomiting)

Nightmare at 20,000 feet

 Portrait of a frightened man: Mr. Robert Wilson, thirty-seven, husband, father, and salesman on sick leave. Mr. Wilson has just been discharged from a sanitarium where he spent the last six months recovering from a nervous breakdown, the onset of which took place on an evening not dissimilar to this one, on an airliner very much like the one in which Mr. Wilson is about to be flown home - the difference being that, on that evening half a year ago, Mr. Wilson's flight was terminated by the onslaught of his mental breakdown. Tonight, he's travelling all the way to his appointed destination, which, contrary to Mr. Wilson's plan, happens to be in the darkest corner of the Twilight Zone. 

A while back we discovered all the vintage Twilight Zones on Netflix streaming and as the good parents we are, we started a marathon with our kids. We got to the classic William Shatner episode late into the night. It was a little creepier than I remember it being and the scene where he lifts the shade and the scary monster monkey gremlin is right at the glass it scared Ella so bad she totally flipped out - similar to the way Shatner himself did in the episode. So true to our pranky nature we haven't let her live it down - every once in a while Kyle will switch out the computer wallpaper with the exact image in her favorite scene. When we hear screams we know Ella has logged on to the computer.

It became kind of a running joke.

So for her birthday I had a deliciously funny idea for her cake, the thing on the wing became the thing on a cake!
She didn't get to see her cake till it was time to blow out the candles - it was pretty funny when she saw the cake. I think the lady at the bakery thought I was crazy. But that's ok, I'll do anything for a laugh.
I really will, don't tempt me.

look at little miss with no glasses 

gifts, cake and ice cream then off to the movies to see HUGO :)

Ten years?


Really - why do you do this to me?


ten things about Ella:

1. She's a scaredy cat, who likes to be scared and actually thinks its kind of funny. Hence the cake.

2. SHE NEVER EVER EVER once peed in the bed. Went to big girl panties one day when 2 years old and NEVER looked back.

3. She is pretty much brilliant. And I'm not just bragging. She is smarter than me.

4. She is convinced she knows how to drive because as she says "I've watched you closely, ALOT."

5. She is keenly aware of justice. She will fight for someone else being treated poorly or being cheated more than she will fight for herself.

6. She swore her room would be cleaner if she didn't have to share with a sister. She has had her room to herself for over a year - I've never seen such a mess.

7. Her favorite color is teal.

8. Her favorite food is mashed potatoes. She thinks a baked potato topped with mashed potatoes would be a perfect meal.

9. She loves Taylor Swift and this song

10. She likes the limelight and a microphone. She is a natural storyteller (and just general talker)

We love you so much Ella!!!