Its not always easy being yourself

Within the battle of body acceptance and self acceptance and increasing your self esteem can come the nagging of yourself.

As an occupational therapist I was trained well to find strengths first and weaknesses second with every person I worked with - from the dad who was just paralyzed in a motorcycle accident to the woman faking a hand injury for workman's comp.
My notes were in a SOAP format -

• Subjective (what you think are strengths and weaknesses or what they say about themselves) 
• Objective (what you can actually see/measure in relation to strengths and weaknesses... "can raise R arm 45 degrees, can transfer to toilet, can not remain standing for more than 10 seconds.) 
• Assessment (can live independently, Needs upper body strengthening, Needs improvement in fine motor skills and adaptive equipment) 
• Plan - OT 2x per day for 2 weeks for strength training and fine motor exercises or the like...

Now that I am no longer working daily in that field I tend to SOAP note myself but it can be more self damaging than helpful. The Adversary is strong. He knows us well. And when we start to feel good about ourselves he's more than willing to tempt our mind in the other direction. All about what is "wrong."

I do it to myself all the time. I start with a simple thought of oh I'm pretty good at x but it quickly becomes... but I'm terrible at ....

I'm good at cooking from scratch... but I'm not a good housekeeper.
I'm a loving mom... who yells too much.
I manage a house with five kids a busy schedule...but I haven't done any family history in ages.
I'm a spiritual person.. who doesn't read the scriptures enough/ go to the temple enough.
I'm good at making friends... but I alienate people with my opinions sometimes.

I am going to stop doing this to myself.  I'm driving this car that is my life.
I can't be perfect. I can't drive everywhere and be there all at the same time.  So I am going to live in the present and be happy about it.

I'll keep cooking from scratch even if the kitchen is messy.
I'll keep loving my kids even when things get crazy.
I'll manage my time and not stress about what else I could be doing.
I'll remember that recharging the spiritual battery is of utmost importance but there are a lot of experiences that can accomplish that.
I cherish my friends but I also have opinions - they are not exclusive of each other.
I blog about topics that have changed my life: my faith, health at every size, accepting more children into our lives, natural childbirth and breastfeeding. If you haven't made those choices I am still a good friend. I"ll drive my car you drive yours... I don't write about those thing to condemn the opposing choices but only to champion the topic that is near and dear to my heart.

I hope the same for everyone - love the moment, champion the cause that speaks to your soul even if you are afraid that your opinion will offend, live the gospel - if that means scriptures with a highlighter one night or just the ensign before bed other nights. Love your children, they will be fine even if you are not perfect.

I think Pres. Uchtdorf's talk for the RS broadcast was the best "Love the moment, love yourself" speech ever!
check it out:


It reminded me of my favorite essay:

THE STATION

By Robert J. Hastings

         TUCKED AWAY in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves
on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We're traveling by train and, from the
windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at
crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row
upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and
village halls.

    But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination--for at a certain hour and on a
given day, our train will finally pull into the station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands
playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we
pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

    "Yes, when we reach the station, that will be it!" we promise ourselves. "When we're
eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL
Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!"

    From that day on we will all live happily ever after.

    Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no station in this life, no one earthly
place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The station is an illusion--it
constantly outdistances us. Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream. Yesterday belongs to a
history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday's a fading sunset, tomorrow's a faint sunrise. Only
today is there light enough to love and live.

    So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn't the burdens of today
that drive men mad, but rather regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and
fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.

    "Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, "This is
the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."

     So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more
mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener.
Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we
go along. The station will come soon enough.