The Mom of OZ

Someone has a bit of a lisp

2012-01-23T16:35:00.001-06:00

Maiya lost her front tooth and just in time to- her permanent tooth was starting to make her gums look angry above

And in other news I feel gross

:)

2012-01-19T18:10:00.000-06:00

my precious moments baby boy.

Ella's artwork was in the County fair

while there we went to visit the cows and hear them say "MOOOOOOOOOOooooooo"

Benjamin made first chair in Tuba :)

My kids make me so pleased.

Unless you work at Golden Corral...

2012-01-17T10:14:00.002-06:00

I have probably cooked more than you in the past few days.

In fact in the span of 4.5 days I cooked over 48 meals!! All those meals plus extra beans for the freezer.

You see cooking is the only thing I can do ahead of time. I can't stockpile laundry or vacuuming.

Over $400 shopping trip (three stores)

60 pans and lids from Sams club

Triple or quadruple batches of everything, above chili, below pork tenderloin with tomatoes over rice and veggies. (or maybe that's chicken I don't remember.)

one layer of saran wrap then lid to prevent freezer burn, Just don't forget to take off the saran wrap before putting in oven.

and label.

I have my own Hyperemesis Gravidarium protocol in place based off several from other people who go through this too:

Whining Puker

Knocked up, Knocked Over.

Mine is not quite as in-depth.

1. Make tons of meal (DONE, I'd make more if I had more freezer space.)

2. Homemade Dilectin: borrowed from Whining Puker ( I have done this before but not smaller doses spread out during the day like she suggests)

10 mg Vitamin B6
10 mg Doxylamine Succinate, or Unisom - this is roughly half of one 25 mg tablet

3. Force myself to eat every 2 hours- Up protein at all meals! Snack on nuts.

4. Stay hydrated, and drink lots of lemon water (lemon is high alkaline, which can help based off this article.)

5. I am NOT taking pre-natal vitamins this time. They make me throw up - no way around it. So I am not trying anymore. A vitamin thrown up is not as good as a meal kept down.

6. Pray and meditate because like Ina May says "feelings effect labor" so I say feelings effect morning sickness too!

7. I honestly think that still breastfeeding PJ will help ease my morning sickness. Nursing while pregnant this is new for me.

I'll be six weeks along on Wednesday and I have not been sick yet (never gone this long before, so maybe the tides have changed for me! One sister from church said the older she got the less morning sickness she had so hip,hip, hooray for later pregnancies!!!

I have no defense for being pregnant at my sister's wedding. I have felt comfort in prayer that I will be A-OK for the big day. Which is rapidly approaching - how exciting!!!

Yes I am.

2012-01-16T21:20:00.001-06:00

True Story

2012-01-16T10:30:00.000-06:00

So one time we went to Disneyworld.

We planned that trip with the zeal that only NASA can plan a trip to the moon.

Kyle went to this site: Tour Guide Mike's

weekly.

sometimes daily.

That planning paid off - we hardly waited in line AT. ALL. And we got free dining for all of us!

We found the best travel agent who found a room that would accommodate three adults, three kids and one infant.

We saved so much money we decided to fly there instead of drive. (we honestly didn't know if we all could fit plus luggage in a minivan.)

So we found a great deal on plane tickets and booked, not really thinking that we just put ourselves arriving one day early. So we had to add a night to our hotel stay.

Which put us at Disney with one day without park tickets. But that's cool because the hotel itself was rocking.

So we arrived, unpacked and Kyle promptly crashed on the bed to sleep. Meg and I decided to take the kids to the pool. The kids donned bathing suits and dashed ahead. Then Meg went pushing the stroller and I made my way down the path in front of the hotel rooms.

But something caught my eye.

weed.

not a weed.

weed. the kind that comes in little bags.

I was like holy crap - that's marijuana so I did what anyone would do, I grabbed it and took it back to our hotel room.

Tried to wake up Kyle "hey I found some weed outside."

He grumbled and rolled over, I left the bag on his book and went swimming.

When we got back I really woke him up and he was like "did you say something about weed?"

"Yeah I found some on the sidewalk, what should we do?"

we debated about how funny of a souvenir that would be and then decided to just call the front desk and let them come get it.

They sent up the OLDEST security guard I have ever seen - I think he said he was 90 and he was on a segway - he was rockin cool. He said thanks and took the weed.

We wondered what he was going to do with it.

We went to Disney and all we got was a lousy bag of weed.

true story.

Video response to Biggest loser.

2012-01-10T09:04:00.002-06:00

Biggest Loser Australia's theme this season is "Love Yourself" which means love yourself AFTER you've lost weight. The commercial is a wonderful example of exploiting other's pain for your financial gain. It saddens me.

The Amazing Ragen who blogs here, organized this video response! Its so very awesome and Kyle and I are in it:

true story...

2012-01-08T21:50:00.000-06:00

I thought it would be interesting to write a series about the strange things that have happened to me.

I had a few ideas bumbling around in my head but then this happened to me last night and I thought I'd write about it first.

Unfortunately its sad.

Kyle and I made a late night run to Albertons to stock up on some of the deals they had - and halfway through I had to ummm... go #2...

Its the bane of my existence. Needing to poop while out shopping.

My sister always says if I am constipated I just need to go to walmart.

(for Kyle its bookstores) LOL

Anyway Albertson's bathroom at almost 11 pm is kind of creepy so I was aware of my surroundings you might say when someone walked in to the stall next to me.

And their feet stayed facing the toilet for quite sometime.

I thought..

HOLY CRAP.

I'm in the men's bathroom.

Then I heard a familiar heart breaking sound.... gagging... followed by vomiting.

completely silent vomiting. and there was 4 rounds of it.

very quiet gagging then silent vomiting.

whoever she was next to me...

she was making herself throw up.

It made me so sad.

I left the stall and washed my hands. And went to leave but I couldn't.

I said

Are you ok?

"I'm fine just a little sick"

Then my hands started shaking and I debated in my mind but said this even though I wasn't sure if I should:

"If you are doing that to yourself, Please I beg of you - get help."

she didn't respond. she didn't deny anything.

and I quietly left.

I met Kyle at checkout and saw the usual magazine covers... and thought how sad the whole situation is. Can a daughter of God with that much self hate, and self injury reach her full potential?

If you wonder why body image, self esteem, and size acceptance is important to me - This story is another reason why.

true story.

LDS women discuss...

2012-01-08T00:37:00.000-06:00

Are you in on this conversation? click its a link, about this:

If you could ask Sister Julie B. Beck, the General Relief Society President, any question what would it be?

Yes. I mean ANY question.

Such as:

Why do only men hold the priesthood?
How do women really fit into the church? Do they have a place?
Why were Relief Society Meetings-- formerly known as Enrichment-- formerly known as Home, Family and Personal Enrichment--formerly known as Homemaking done away with?
When is it OK to say NO? Is it ever?
What are we supposed to do with that new book they just put out? (Daughters in my kingdom)

I just have to say a lot of the comments resonate with me and they are not things that I can easily talk about with people...

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.” - Nancy Willard.

My life in technology

2012-01-04T08:02:00.000-06:00

sooooo... we got iphones of the 4S variety.

they are awesome.

then our home computer died promptly on us - that would be a big ol dose of budget karma.

But Kyle is using his mad computer skills on it to devise a resurrection and we added carbonite off site backup a while back so I know my roughly one BILLION pictures are safe.

While playing with my iphone I kept daydreaming about going back in time and handing it to the me at like say age 14 - How freaking cool would that have been?

I laugh telling my kids about tech of ages past:

My Me-Maw was the first person I remember having a VCR - to record her "Stories" aka soaps. It had a remote super fancy, but it was not wireless, it had a 20 foot cord that you had to roll back up when you were done using the remote.

I remember my dad getting us a new nice 3000 lb TV once and when he worked it out of the box the remote fell out, he couldn't remember what its name was so he said "hey hand me that TV box thing"
TO. THIS. DAY. Me, my sister and mother still call it the "TV box" and now Kyle does sometimes too and maybe even my kids.

I remember when we got an Apple IIe, We were the envy of the neighborhood. Except for the family that had a TV in their parents bedroom and the kitchen - because who in the world needed 3 TV's??
With our Apple IIe, people came over to play "troll" (see pic above) and make banners - remember those banners - the printer paper with the little holes on the side that you had to rip ever so carefully or you'd rip your banner apart?

A short time later our Apple was obsolete and that pissed my dad off so much he swore off computers for the rest of his life.

That is until the internet came along. Then on Christmas break we borrowed a computer from my mom's school and set it up and visited some "chat rooms"

It only took about 10 minutes for every single thing to load. If you were lucky.

In college email was still relatively new. I remember if you asked someone "do you have an email address" there was a chance they didn't. There were 2 computers for use by our entire hall and few people had their own.

I printed off emails that I found particularly special or funny.

My last year at Longwood the talk was that in the next two years they would require every student to have their own personal computer. We considered this cruel and unattainable for the masses.

And now computers are on our phones... and I've been waaaaaay behind the times in getting one.

His body, His rights, His agency, not yours.

2012-01-03T10:30:00.000-06:00

the most comprehensive review of the issue of genital cutting that I have ever seen:

Top 10

2012-01-01T00:43:00.002-06:00

He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.

Albert Einstein

Most visited posts of 2011:

10. You have my permission to forgive yourself. This post was inspired by someone comparing being fat to being a smoker. Which is about the same as comparing a meth addict to being tall. Smoking is a behavior. Fat is not.; neither is being short, or brown eyed, or curlied headed.

9. The harder you try to lose weight - are you constantly trying to restrict your calories or thinking about doing so - stop it, its messing with your body's homeostasis and hormones and might be making your body bigger. Intuitive eating is where its at!

8. You have my permission to love your body! Where my HAES (Health at Every Size) journey starts. Just this time last year I was adding a calorie tracker to my ipod. NEVER AGAIN DIETING INDUSTRY!! I have found the light - follow me to it :)

7. Depression - where the dog dug up my new garden

6. No-poo - all about how to take care of your curls by going shampoo free!

5. Are you being a bully? Talking crap about yourself is ok right?? ummm no. Especially if you are bad mouthing features that someone in the room has, come on ladies you're smarter than that.

4. The Silence was deafening... woo ... boy ... On this topic of saying no to birth control, feathers were ruffled. Reminded me of a podcast where the person said 'want to hide something from the Church? just put it in the scriptures...they'll miss it in there' Just because its between "husband and wife" doesn't mean you weren't asked to do it.

3. "Further thoughts on that topic" became popular after I guest blogged at one of my favorite blogs here, "A Mormon perspective on sterilization." It was a follow-up to my original post on the topic here: Off my chest LDS & birth control.

2. Dear Lisa Masterson. Your misguided views on natural childbirth and infant circumcision are such BS. I'd feel sorry for you being so ignorant if it wasn't for the fact that you are on TV. Reason # 1 doctors don't deserve your blind following: you can get your MD degree and be just as misguided and rude as this chick.

1. PE... Gym Class. Did you hate it too? Make exercise which should be fun a torture session? Sorry to hear that, here are my ideas to make it better.

bonus:
Fight the power be happy just the way you are!
(I admit to a little body snarking myself that I have avoided in the rest of my HAES posts.)

My favorite blog of the year elsewhere was: Ragen Chastain at Dances with Fat. Getting to have lunch with her in Dallas was very, very cool. And I am working on a little project with her right now :)

My second favorite blog of the year: Women in the Scriptures

My favorite post of the year (never linked up here before): Ten Rules for Fat Girls if you are new to accepting your body the way it is, print this out and hang it somewhere prominent.

In 2012 I will continue blogging about my adorable kids. Maybe there will be another one? I hope so (see # 4 & 3)
My sister is getting married in March - lots of pictures in the blog future!
I may tackle my spiritual ramblings more here - but they are tough ones. Like I can't even get my mind out of a pretzel sometimes - can I write about this too? kind of spiritual stuff.
I want to write more about routine infant circ. too. Ya know before I have to take down the blog for all the embarrassing stuff I've already put on here.

I hope its a wonderful year for you and I hope to see you around these parts!

Plus Size breastfeeding.

2011-12-29T21:12:00.000-06:00

(Many of these 'tips' will work for any size mom, baby, & breasts but its from my perspective and the only perspective I've ever had is plus size breastfeeding) As I like to do, this post is link heavy.

"When we trust the makers of baby formula more than we do our own ability to nourish our babies, we lose a chance to claim an aspect of our power as women. Thinking that baby formula is as good as breast milk is believing that thirty years of technology is superior to three million years of nature's evolution. Countless women have regained trust in their bodies through nursing their children, even if they weren't sure at first that they could do it. It is an act of female power, and I think of it as feminism in its purest form."
----- Christine Northrup M.D.

1. YOU CAN DO IT!! Repeat after me - you can feed your baby the way God intended!
You don't really have more milk ducts you just have more breast tissue. Don't fret about your anatomy all that much. On the flip side don't let people act like you should obviously be a breast feeding champ because they are big... that has nothing to do with it and may even make things harder.
*Your milk might take 24-36 hours more to come in than smaller chested moms - but this was not the case for me.

2. Get a really good nursing bra. After five babies and countless nursing bras this is my personal favorite. I got it in a batch I bought used off of ebay. (That's a good place while pinching pennies - Like I've said before many, many moms give up on breastfeeding but they've bought 4-8 nursing bras at $40 a pop - know what they do with them?? yup.. ebay - just wash on super, duper hot with some bleach and you're good to go - no different than that birthing gown at the hospital you wore that so did thousands of other moms with their "juices" see previous link where I blogged about that topic too.)

Anyway back to my favorite nursing bra features:

*NO underwire. Maybe when you are very well past engorgement and establishing breastfeeding you can go to an underwire nursing bra but just be very, very careful. Your milk ducts can go as far as into your armpit and engorgement can cause your lymph nodes to swell (to the size of marbles if you're me). If you have an underwire digging in: HELLO clogged milk ducts followed by mastitis maybe even accompanied by a raging 103 degree fever. All from personal experience here.

*Soft breathable material. Or HELLO thrush. Avoid too much lace with 12 times a day of tugging on it the lace will rip. It will no matter how much you paid for the bra. Trust me.

* Wide-ish shoulder straps, not so much that it feels like your purse on each shoulder. But us gals with the big bags can't have no spaghetti straps holding us up.

*One-click flap: If there is one thing that drives me mad on a nursing bra is a small hook like what's on the back of the bra - that is almost impossible to latch with one hand also hard with both hands if the baby is still in your arms.

Here she is isn't she a beaut? comes up to 46 DDD and this model is decidedly not plus size but that's cool:

$20 for two - need to order online for plus sizes - unless your walmart is cooler than mine!

** lets talk about those who swear by the "no need to buy a nursing bra just stretch your regular bra or get a sports bra. Well for one thing if you really have a plus size chest there is no "just stretch your regular bra" unless your regular bra does not fit you very well. And as for the sports bra you have two options, pull it down then you have it stretched to kingdom come by week 2 postpartum or pull it up and it chokes you while you feed the baby and digs in - Hello clogged duct again.

3. Nursing clothes. These you don't really need. Just stick with pants and shirt and skirts and shirts - you may need to skip on dresses for a while, Though I still wear them sometimes and just hike up my entire dress in the mother's lounge at church if my baby blanket is big enough to cover me. Wrap dresses are great too!

4. Take the whole boob out. All of it -lift and place it out of the nursing bra, especially in the beginning.

This is the part where you need to be comfortable with your body. Be at one with your breasts, fat rolls, etc. Handle your body - just letting your nipple poke out is not good. Picture your breast as an icing bag. Imagine it being crimped in the slightest in one area. Things will eventually get all lopsided and even twisted. That will happen if your breast is constricted in anyway by the bra. A clogged duct/ breast infections pops up faster than a zit on prom night. Give your breast freedom when feeding your baby. you can be covered for modesty - but covered is different from constricted.

5. Bring the baby to the breast not the breast to the baby. This one took me a while to learn. I was so desperate for Benjamin to nurse that I would get into any contorted position and stay there if he happened to latch. Then I'd be in some crazy bent forward, arm crooked spot for 20-30 minutes and was barely able to move from the back cramps afterwards. So get completely comfortable yourself! Then bring the baby right up to you. If you get in a twisted sister position break the latch and start over again!!

GET COMFORTABLE. Get lots of pillows - position them where you need them. Breastfeeding pillows may or may not help depending on your particular shape but if they help great.

My best trick for getting comfy and ready is a rolled up hand towel under the breast that I am feeding on. It puts my breast in a better position and keeps me from having to hold myself up and strain my back.

6. Yes it will hurt. But no it should not really hurt. This is a tough one to explain. If you are experiencing pain when your baby latches something is not right. That is a true statement. But after 5 I can tell you that the first 10-20 seconds of a baby latching for about the first six weeks JUST SUCKS (literally & figuratively) Its like your breasts aren't really ready for a baby to be hoovering them and the baby on the other hand has practiced nothing but sucking in utero.. so what I do is this: My baby goes on and I tap my foot rather forcefully to the count of 10, If its still hurts like hell I break them off and we start over. Those 10 seconds are hell, but after that I find the nipple finds where it should be in baby's mouth and its stops hurting all together. (This could be because I have flat nipples...)

7. Flat nipples. Lots of plus size moms seem to have this problem. I don't know if its because extra fat tissue fills out the areola and what would normaly stick out for the baby to latch on to is now spherical in nature. But here are my tips for flat nipples:

- DO NOT GIVE YOUR BABY ANY ARTIFICIAL NIPPLE. That means bottles, pacis of any type or even your finger if you can help it. Not until breastfeeding is very, very established. Print a index size card saying this request and have dad stick it to the bassinet if you are delivering at a hospital. The baby of a flat nippled mom has to work to breastfeed - there is not really anything to just "stick" into their mouth. They have to suck it in and be awake and motivated enough to do so. One bout on a a pacifier and you could be working extra hard on breastfeeding for another few weeks. ( now I am not against them later when you feel completely comfortable with BF'ing.)

- You should not by practice pinch any area of your breast while your baby is breastfeeding but if you are flat nippled you may have to. You can pinch up some of your nipple to get your baby interested, tickle their face and lips with it and have something to put into the mouth, if you have a latch ease off of your pinch (remember you don't want clogged ducts)

-You may need to play with your nipples to get them up and out or better yet pump for about 30 secs to 2 minutes and then they may be in the perfect shape for a latch.

- Some mom's swear by nipple shields but I have no experience with them.

There are some fabulous youtube videos on latch tricks

8. Your body is not broken. You will not drown, or suffocate your baby. Don't be overly self concious or worried about your baby's nose, they will adjust to breathe. Just work to get as much nip in their mouth as possible and they will figure out the rest!

9. Don't give up!! Even if you started bottles, pacis, and formula keep at it! Its so very worth it. Even if your milk has dried up you can still put your baby to the breast - nutrition is only one purpose of nursing its not the only one. If you want to nurse for comfort only go for it!

10. If you feel a clogged duct coming on - increase nursing on that side, massage the clogged area when nursing and pump till empty if needed once every 24 hours. Have a good breast pump that has adjustable nipple sizes. Stay away from home remedies like cabbage leaves - they can dry up your supply.

....

Any other advice moms of the ample chest?

Any questions?

I'm sure I'll think of more later!

6-inch ribbon curls honey

2011-12-27T15:52:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas !!!

We played, we puzzled, we ate, we made GINORMOUS messes, we watched elf, we fielded mean comments on the blog on Christmas eve (seriously you have nothing better to do?), We cooked, we didn't clean, we stayed up late and got up early, then stayed up late and slept in late, We've been to Amazing Jakes for almost 8 hours (our gift from Nana), We've read thanks to some Amazing books from Grandma & Tony, We've napped, We've snuggled...

Kyle has off the whole week and we will continue the festivities but right after I take a long scalding hot bath in the middle of the afternoon (because I can.)

Meg's famous cheeseballs

He thinks its so funny to go in there.

But its better than him messing with these!

SANTA CAME!!!!!!!

PJ seriously loves his PEWI from Santa

Maiya on her bouncy horsey

Cora with her Baby Brooke - who seems to have no clothes on anymore - how totally appropriate given Cora's distaste for clothes as of late.

Santa gave us 2012 season passes to Six flags!!! And we can use them for the rest of this year too!

There is really nothing more annoying than trying to sweep up Orbeez I've decided.

Benjamin assembled all his Lego stuff rapidly without any help from Dad... Kind of made Dad a bit sad.

PJ crusing on his Pewi to steal everybody else's stocking candy.

Christmas Eve.

2011-12-24T23:39:00.000-06:00

Benjamin helped me peel and chop 10 lbs of potatoes

unwrapping gifts with Aunt Meg, Justin and Nana

see this head massager.. oh my gawd. It will change your life it feels so good

my baby sister :)

Giving Aunt Meg kisses :)

This is what Maiya wanted to eat - I begged her to add something with color but her gift today was a white meal with no nagging from mom.

Nikko would really, really like some turkey.. puhleese.

best. turkey. evah. still... thanks Alton.

And.. ta-da... Mr. PJ standing - will he be walking by New Year's... probably not LOL.

My Christmas wish list.

2011-12-24T06:33:00.001-06:00

10 out of 10 women would be overjoyed about the awesomeness of their bodies.
Magazines at checkout would have actual content instead of diet garbage.
The medical community would start coming around and training all healthcare professionals in HAES.

Routine Infant circumcision of girls and boys would end. If you don't mind talk and educational images about private parts this is a fantastic informational video about how circumcision hurts women.

Hospitals start to adopt true safe effective practices for mothers and babies. Breastfeeding rates go up, c-section rates go down.

Chris Christie changes his mind and runs for president:

I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite.

2011-12-23T09:27:00.000-06:00

packages shipped.

Parties attended

friends hugged

babies snuggled

pictures posed

Presents wrapped

dogs lives threatened

Janie's wrath sparked at check-out.

(flames out of the sides of my face.)

Excellent article by dietitian Lucy Aphramor: "Our efforts may have been seriously misguided and even harmful."

Why women don't breastfeed...

2011-12-22T09:09:00.000-06:00

Last night the news reported that Enfamil is recalling formulaafter an infantdeath related to an undetected bacterium. Andmy first thought was:

Youdon't have to test breastmilk for bacterium.

Andmy mind wandered to a post on peaceful parenting facebook page asking why morewomen don't breastfeed. Granted initial breastfeeding rates are improving butour 6 month breastfeeding rates are pretty abysmal.

Mythoughts... (Because you know I'm an expert in my own opinion):

1. Breastfeeding is HARD.It does not just come "natural". There can be latch issues - supplyissues- cracked and bleeding nipples - thrush (detected and un-diagnosed) -engorgement - oversupply - tongue tie... etc.

2. It’s expected to beeasy. And when its not (see above)- formula is very accessible these days - infact formula companies have so cleverly sent you home with a can in your cutefree diaper bag all but waiting for you to give up.

3. You may have neverseen a baby breastfeed. And not just in the general I notice a woman isbreastfeeding in the corner of the room, covered. Other cultures andgenerations would have seen their mother, sister, aunt nurse a baby. You wouldsee a latch and understand how a baby actually nurses. I remember not evenbeing able to hold Benjamin right - I tried to hold him just like you hold ababy with his face completely upright cradled in my elbow.

4. You mother,grandmother, and Aunts mostly likely did not breastfeed and you have lost a wealthof information availability because of that. Breastfeeding is one facet of humanitythat was almost completely eradicated in our modern society. There are fewfamilies with an experienced older breastfeeding mother on hand to askquestions. In fact older generations are more than willing to tell you"babies do just fine on formula - look at you!" or "that babyhas teeth you're not going to keep breastfeeding are you?"

5. Modesty. How manywomen are not truly comfortable with their own bodies? Are you ready to handleyour own breasts out in the open naked 12-15 times a day?

-Howmany women cover even in mother's rooms?

-Howmany go out to the car to nurse?

-Howmany go off alone to a room to nurse.

-Pre-pumpso you can have a bottle and be acceptable in public.

-Iread of one mom who ALWAYS fed her baby under a nursing cover so that the babywas trained to expect it and be comfortable with it even in public. How sad -babies are hardwired to gaze at mom while breastfeeding. And have you tried toeat with a blanket over your head lately?

6. Distorted sense ofsexuality. I have noticed that tight clothes are A-OK - even at church the"tightness" of things are pretty much as tight as you can get beforeresorting to a catsuit. And what I call "stripper heels" have madequite a popular trend lately. I'm sorry but at some height of heel, it’s justimmodest to me and screams of sexuality. But... breastfeeding - oh boy it justmakes people sooooooo uncomfortable. Talk about feeding your baby uncovered ina public place and it comes up that your are tempting men into impure thoughts?I mean c'mon... That is insulting to men. But strut up the hall in a skin tightpencil skirt and stripper heels - "super-cute"

7. Bodily fluids. That is what some consider breastmilk and from thecomments I get about my homebirth I see that bodily fluids make people comeunglued... I can't tell you how many times I've heard - I don't want to touchmy baby right after it’s born. Ewww.. "vag juices" p**sy juices""blood - guts"

Firstoff it’s not 'guts' it’s your baby and YOUR BODY. It reminds me of the analogyin Ezekiel of the abandoned baby in the field - a mother who does not touch herfreshly born baby - "no one pitied thee":

"And as for thynativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut, neither wast thou washed in water to ^supple thee; thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all.

5 None eye pitied thee, to doany of these unto thee, to have compassion upon thee; but thou wast cast out inthe open field, to the lothing of thy person, in the day that thou wast born.

6 ¶And when I passed by thee,and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said untothee when thou wast in thy blood, Live."

Itso sad to me of thinking of a mother not touching her baby till another personhas wiped it off. I remember my hospital births dying a little inside that mybaby was across the room on a warmer being mishandled instead of in my arms. Ihad to wait FIVE hours for them to bring me Cora after I got to post-partum.That is completely unacceptable.

8. Which brings me tothis situation. What harm is being done at the most sacred time of birth? Thereis a very strong love cocktail that develops at the time of birth especiallywhen private and uninterrupted that is almost impossible to achieve in a modernhospital. Look at the third picture down in this post. Thank God for such a capablegrandmother assisting her grandbaby to the breast - but how damaged could thebreastfeeding relationship be in situations lacking that support. This videowith Michael Odent captures the situation perfectly:

"Immediatelyafter birth there is a short period of time which will never happen again,which is critical for mother/baby attachment" ... "A complex cocktailof love hormones"

Howmuch postpartum depression is caused by how the birth goes? We understandinterfering in the animal kingdom causing disastrous consequences.

**Now as a mother who has had both very high intervention and drugged birth andnatural I can testify that the difference is profound and life changing. But Ialso believe in my heart that a mother's heart is strong and bonding andattachment can happen in vast circumstances - c-section, adoption, birthtrauma, etc... I just don't think that moment should be so damaged byunnecessary interventions when it doesn't have to be. We leave animals alone atbirth - we know it can damage their relationship. But we do it to women ALL THETIME

9. Convenience.

Some find formula very convenient. They canreturn to their exercise regimen/dieting. They don't have to have accessibleclothes or bras. They can leave their baby for looooong periods of time.

I used formula. I did not find it convenient atall.

It was expensive.

I had to wash bottles, nipples, collars, covers.

I had to find filtered water in every area Iwould be at or cart it with me.

Formula poop is capital N nasty.

Formula spit ups could build a hut if straw isadded and stained everything beyond repair.

Formula constipated my babies to the point ofactually tearing their anal opening. I had to "experiment" on mychild to find the right formula brand and then the amount of laxative that was rightfor their system. None of which I give a second thought while breastfeeding.

And that's not even covering the susceptibilityto life long allergies and lower immunity.

BUT despite all this when I said to one mom I'vedone both and breastfeeding is so much easier!

She replied - but I can get so much more donewhen I bottle feed and I returned a confused look.

She said "you know I can prop the bottle and cookdinner."

I said "oh I didn't prop the bottle when I bottle fed"

this kind of reminds me of this:

So let’s see all a baby loses when a bottleis propped:

- They are not getting breastmilk (unless pumped)

-the don't get the warmth of someone's body

-they don't get to interact with the person

-they don't get looked at and gazed lovingly at

And let’s talk about the head helmets:

I have two opinions on this gadget. I think one of the reasons the rate of use is so high around here is I've heard that the company that created and designs them is a Texas company. Are there some sweet kickbacks for over prescribing them? I don't know someone else can follow the money trail on this one.

But my biggest theory is that babies are getting to sleep in their car seats an awful lot and are bottle fed, probably propped or holding it on their own.

I also realize that the SIDS campaign of babies "back to sleep" is a HUGE contributor. Benjamin had some of the flat head thing too - he slept in his car seat way too much... Live and learn. When he was on formula at about 9 months old a few times I held the bottle for him while he stayed in his car seat. And I regret it.

10. My last and final opinion is that formula is too easily available and commercialized. Formula companies should not have any access to new moms and should not have advertising rights. Formula should be a last option and if not prescription only at least close to it. Even with the gains in breastfeeding there is still more stigma to breastfeeding than bottle feeding.

And if you have strong opinions against bottle feeding you are judgmental and mean. When that is not true. It’s the babies that my heart goes out to. I know mothering is hard, very, very hard.

But like TFB puts it "We can't handle the truth about breastfeeding."

Babies die from formula. It’s rare but it’s true.

Formula is an amazing thing to have when absolutely necessary (The story of Mr. Nestle creating formula for the neighbor baby who was dying because his mother did not have milk is touching) but my heart aches for when my babies have had cold silicone nipples instead of warm flesh. Powdered milk from another mammal instead of from mom. How much do you love powdered milk?

Babies deserve the boob and to do that women need more support.

More lactation consultants. More education.

More comfort with each other to teach and show how it works.

Less stigma.

Congratulate each other for breastfeeding. It is an insult to say to me "well breastfeeding comes easy for you" NO mam. I fought for it. I worked hard and persevered.

To the lady in the restaurant who thanked me for BF'ing in public - you are awesome!

Boobies rock - lets use em!!!

The Truth about C-sections and midwives...

2011-12-21T16:48:00.001-06:00

Weight watchers... doesn't work, just to clarify.

2011-12-20T09:01:00.000-06:00

"somebody's got to say its not ok."

Too many people have their hopes and dreams hitched to a perfectly thin version of themselves in their mind and if we dare unhitch that train we take away all hope.

HAES seems to frequently be met with opposition from the very people who would benefit vastly from learning more about it.

The most basic explanation of HAES seems like the "throw in the towel club"

And that makes many people come unglued at the seams.

Say "diets don't work" and people are like this

And then they get all but, but, but, but .... don't you realize:

Fat is unhealthy.

I just need to get to a "healthy weight."

face palm.

HAES seeks peace in body acceptance and health practices that will actually make you healthier - not smaller.

"But weight watchers works."

"Weight watchers has worked well for me - I lost 10,25, 40 lbs when I did it in the past."

"Its not a diet its a lifestyle change."

"Jenny Craig helped: filling in whatever celebrity endorsement here."

Weight watchers is good at helping people lose weight for a a little while.

It is NOT maintained weight loss.

Only about 2 out of a thousand maintain weight loss with weight watchers and they were NOT fat to begin with and they only lost a small amount of weight:

excerpt from this fab post:

Each year only about 6% of Weight Watchers members (give or take) reached their goal weight (presumably 94% failed).

Now before you get all impressed with Weight Watcher’s 6% success rate, let’s step back. For one thing, the successful 6% weren’t so fat in the first place. The 2001 study says that most were between a BMI of 25-30 (i.e. “overweight” but not “obese” – to use definitions I find silly). The 2007 abstract says the average starting BMI for that study was 27 – which is well below the average Weight Watchers participant. So in order to achieve goal weight the average lifetime member probably had to lose less than 10 lbs and would have to include a lot of people who had even less to lose.

It turns out only 3.9% of the golden 6% were still at or below goal weight after 5 years. By my calculations that means 3.9%*6.3% = 0.24% or about two out of a thousand Weight Watchers participants who reached goal weight stayed there for more than five years.

When you hear diet drug claims that they “double” weight loss – it’s probably true – they probably had a study where their 2 lb weight loss doubled the average of 1 lb weight loss.

Which is why a popular topic for weight loss researchers to write about these days is whether “unrealistic weight loss expectations” matter. This is code for “should we feel guilty about the fact that when we talk about ‘success’ we’ve come to mean something completely different from what the public’s been duped into thinking we mean?”

I have a two-word answer: informed consent.

(end of excerpt)

do you really know what you are getting into when you join weight watchers or the see who can lose the most weight at work competition?

What if there was really truth in advertising about diets:

from here

Why do we call it the “weight loss industry” when what we really get for our time, sacrifice, and money is weight cycling? 19 times out of 20, what we are really purchasing is the experience of weight loss and regain.

Imagine if we called it the “weight cycling industry,” and “weight cycling programs.” Would you participate in Weight Cyclers at work? Buy food from NutriCycle? Hire a trainer from the Biggest Weight Cycler?

Because that is what we are doing, folks. Better face the facts: Of 100 people trying to lose weight, the vast majority of people will regain weight. Some significant group – perhaps a third – will gain more weight than they lost. Some tiny number (7? 5? 3?) will maintain their weight loss, and of that group, some number from 0-4 of them will be flirting with, developing, or fortifying an eating disorder. Yes, you read me right.

(end of excerpt)

this can be a very, very difficult pill to swallow. Being fat carries such huge bags of shame that people will do almost anything to rid themselves of that shame.

A lifetime of tugging at clothes, wishing you looked different, trying and trying and trying to be thinner is hard to let go of just because someone says "be happy just the way you are!"

But I do implore you to consider learning more about HAES especially if you are thinking about a new years diet.

This year consider giving up.

But only on the diets! NOT ON YOURSELF.

If you have any plans of what you will do when you do lose "the weight" Please, Please make 2012 the year that you DO IT ANYWAY.

Drive past weight watchers. Don't pool your money at work.

Instead take that dance class. Get a massage. Go on a date. Take that vacation. Whatever it is you daydreamed about the "thin-you" doing - GO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Struggling with the "thin-you" waiting to break out? read this:

The fantasy of being thin.

And can we stop doing this to our children? This is at the play area of willow bend mall.

It made my blood boil.

Not only that body shaming starts so young it was in a place that should be a carefree area of play.

And worst of all there was an ACTUAL damn scale. Like truly find out how much you weigh.

(it was broken - thank goodness)

it even looks like Taz is teasing you.

we start our body shaming young these days.

Want to really do something great for your health:

Please click on the labels below to read all my posts about Health at every Size.

Tis the season for band.

2011-12-18T22:45:00.001-06:00

Tis the season for performances. Ella performed with the Honor Choir at the local mall and Prosper Country Christmas

Benjamin performed in the Middle School Band's Christmas concert. The middle school band is so big they perform at the high school and they have to split into two bands with two different performances.

see him back there?

Ella made those iced sugar cookies completely from scratch. I'm talking royal icing from SCRATCH and I did not help AT ALL. Like I wasn't even in the kitchen.

Letting your little ones help in the kitchen pays dividends folks!

Though Kyle says I need to make Benjamin help more. He says the 11 year old boys have to cook their own food on campouts and watching them all struggle to dice potatoes was pretty hard. You don't really saw back and forth to chop potatoes.

A man that can rock a baby to sleep and then holds him through the game because he enjoys the warm baby cuddles.... that man is a keeper.

and with a beard.. seriously, seriously sexy.

Like I need him to give me more babies sexy.

(confession here... I LOVE the song 5 o'clock in the morning.** And the older kids get the gist of the song so I totally wig them out by singing it to Kyle.

like screaming "MOOOMMMMM.. eww. gross")

cracks.

me.

up.

its good to know your parents are madly in love.

This song wigs them out too: Gimme some lovin.

** standard MTV fare not really safe for kids.

It is easy to scare women about their bodies.

2011-12-14T13:26:00.001-06:00

You see this lady right here is one of my heros - If I got to meet her I think I'd bear hug her and spin her around the room. Her book was one of the biggest sources of strength for me second to the Book of Mormon in preparing for natural childbirth.

She is a beatnick turned midwife who tirelessly recorded data of the births she tended. And has become one of the most renowned midwives in the world who even has a technique named after her for safely getting a baby out with shoulder dystocia. The Gaskin Manuever.

She was recently awarded a Right livelihood Award also known as the "altenative Nobel"...Her acceptance speech was an amazing critque of the current state of affairs in modern obstetrics. Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

"When surgical and technological interventions in birth become the norm rather than the exception, the profession of midwifery loses its basis for existence, and obstetrics itself no longer encompasses the skills and knowledge that were once considered essential competencies of the profession.

What is often missed is that excessive cesarean rates have other negative consequences than the loss of midwifery and obstetrical knowledge and skills. Simply put, as rates rise beyond 15-20%, more women die from complications such as pulmonary embolism, infection, hemorrhage, and a sharp increase in placental complications in subsequent pregnancies. None of the countries with the highest cesarean rates can report on low maternal death rates. This is especially true of the U.S., where women now face at least twice the chance of dying from pregnancy-related causes as their mothers did. In California, between 1996 and 2006, the maternal death rate tripled, with much of the increase being attributed to an excess of cesareans.

If all countries put the welfare of mothers and babies at the center of maternity care policy, midwifery would have to grow strong again. In some countries, such as my own, it will be necessary to greatly increase the number of midwives as just one of the ways to prevent complications and to reduce rates of medical intervention in birth. We’ll need lots of doulas as we make this transition. Midwives need to have a say in the major issues surrounding birth. In countries where they currently work under the intense domination of obstetricians, the work will be to bring the relationship back to one of balance. Midwives cannot allow obstetricians to bully them, because doing so is almost certain to mean that laboring women will be the next ones to be bullied.

Attempts to make home birth illegal in any country will only distract from the real problems and exacerbate them, since planned home birth for healthy women provides a necessary safety valve for women who want a wider range of choice than their hospital might offer and a learning opportunity for midwives to learn about women in their natural state. Home birth midwives must be able to make a living from their work, and insurance companies should not be permitted to keep home birth midwives from being compensated for their work. Home birth midwives are being persecuted in almost every country, even in The Netherlands, where home birth services have a long and honorable tradition. I believe the development of a country can be measured by the degree to which it respects the right of a birthing mother to receive a woman centered birthing experience, whether the birth occurs in a home or hospital setting.

Birth shouldn’t be thought of as money-making commodity or condition in which large institutions or governments control and dictate how women will give birth, ignoring individual mother’s wishes and needs. Inevitably, this too often puts bullies in charge of women’s bodies, something no other mammalian species allows. Some countries have midwives who are totally subordinate to physicians. In these countries, it’s typical for very harsh methods of birth care to be applied, and outcomes show this. It’s time to stop this sort of behavior. Traditional peoples, indigenous people don’t permit such behavior. We need to learn from them."

if you are pregnant you want her books on your wishlist this Christmas! Here they all are.

God sent me at the right time.

2011-12-10T22:12:00.001-06:00

A thought occured to me while in the bathtub tonight. Breastfeeding amenorrhea has ended so I could conceive... but I need to avoid morning sickness until after my little sister's wedding in March. So this means a window has closed. If I'd got pregnant before the first of the year I'd deliver before my 35th birthday.

But now if we are so blessed to have another child I will deliver under the umbrella of what modern medicine calls "Advanced Maternal Age".

Ugh.

It kind of reminds me of when I first realized I am considered "morbidly obese"
Advanced maternal age just sounds so...

ominous.

I'll ignore the fear that can come with titles like that. But there is a part of me that is sad to think my reproductive years are winding down. Now that I have an 11 year old. Five years doesn't seem so long after all. I don't know when menopause will start for me (I come from a long line of women who had to have early hysterectomies so I really don't know) but regardless, 40 isn't too far off.
And no matter what we ever do, I will ALWAYS want options. Ya know if I want a baby at 90 then I want a baby. (I'm joking...well maybe.)

I regret the years on birth control hormones and the IUD. They were decisions that felt right at the time when life seemed so long and money so short. But now I realize like sands through the hour glass... my potential for childbearing is but a short part of my life. And my heart breaks so much for the those who go through infertility. I really can't imagine the heartbreak. Its the one thing that makes me want to punch God in the face. And that may be blasphemy but its true. A woman right now somewhere is terminating a pregnancy or neglecting a child while other women cry themselves to sleep hoping that this month will be the month. I know there are answers to quell my anger with the Man above.. but I'll just have to take it up with him myself.

Facing my future, whatever it will be, made glad I am living in this time and place.

I used to be convinced I was born in the wrong era. I should have been born some time where I could take my attitude and be, ya know: radical.

I like to think I would have been on the front lines of the civil rights movement.

I would have made a good early LDS pioneer. I'm hearty. I can walk and walk and walk. I can birth without drugs.

I would have been a good hippie. I like the music. I love activism - just give me a cause and I fight for it. Long wild hair and skirts and Bob Dylan. I'm so there.

I would have been a good early feminist. Janie vs. inequality.

Me and the status quo don't get along so well. If the majority start to agree I start to question. I don't mind if my choices stand out. So maybe I wasn't born in the wrong time or place after all. I live in a time where the choice to be completely "traditional" : at home, pregnant in the kitchen, with lots of babies, is in and of itself radical.

Special Friends Day

2011-12-07T09:36:00.001-06:00

I am so glad to be these gals "special friend"

the one thing I would INSIST on in ANY birth

2011-12-05T08:52:00.001-06:00

A pet topic of mine has made a resurgence in the news lately. Funny when 'back to basics' becomes new science.

There is a new video up explaining the benefits of delayed cord clamping by Penny Simkin.
Penny Simkin is amazing - her videos of relaxation techniques really helped Kyle and I prepare for natural birth. anywho back to the topic at hand:

Immediate cord clamping is like having a major blood hemorrhage for the baby.

Babies that get their cord blood have increased iron levels at 4 months old! Article HERE

Even if baby needs resuscitation that can be done on mom's chest and they need that blood and oxygen even MORE SO!

poor little Cora :(

Jaundice - I can only offer anecdotal evidence but of five babies the only one who did not have jaundice was PJ and he didn't have his cord cut until after the placenta was delivered.

Delayed cord clamping CAN be done in a c-section. - they can wait holding the baby there for 2 minutes. It may freak out the nurses but it can be done.

If you have a precipitous delivery (don't make it to the hospital/birth center) in time. Please do not tie off the cord - especially with a dirty shoe lace - yuck. Don't let the paramedics clamp either, Wrap baby up with placenta when/if it comes and go to where you intended to birth. Be warned no discount if you birth in the car even if they do nothing but let you shower at the hospital and you have to pay to get your car detailed LOL.

I did a comparison video of PJ and Cora's birth (I'd love to add video of Benjamins but its a non-PG shot and rather violent forceps delivery) In this video I show the difference in how the cord was handled. - the video is silent to start, there is much more footage of pushing than in my original birth video and the complete third stage (delivery of placenta) which is not easy to find in homebirth videos:

Dr. Oz rubs his eyes real stressed out like.

2011-12-03T08:18:00.001-06:00

Dr. Oz (he doesn't deserve such a cool name - I should see about revoking his rights)
hosted Dr. Glenn Gaesser on his show to discuss...

cue jaws theme...

dun...dun...DUNNNN...

Obesity is not the health crisis that we think it is. Click on that link to see the episode. - its choice in the most ridiculous sense. Dr. Oz gets so mad he keeps rubbing his forehead and just guffawing at the fact that you might be able to be fat & fit.

Keep in mind he makes his LIVING off of scaring people about their health. In fact he opens with saying the majority of americans are dying from one thing and one thing only - THEIR WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Breathe free thin folks, you get to live forever!!!

Gaesser got an invite to the show after he left this youtube video response to a previous episode.

Bread = crack?

Now once you see the episode ( its in the link up there - I can't embed because then we'd miss out on the weight loss plugs on his website) you can watch Ragen's rebuttal:

Please read her blog here to partake in more of her awesomeness!

Remember in all of this Doctors are not immune to the same crap info about weight and health that all of us are subject too. Dietitians and nutritionists either. Research has been hidden for years on this. Don't ever turn your own instinct over to someone because they have more education than you or are a professional - unless what they are selling makes sense. For me Dr. Linda and Dr. Gaesser make sense. Dr. Oz is a toddler having a tantrum because his meal ticket is being threatened.

It benefits no industry to say its not that big of a deal what size you are -

eat healthy and move your body.

got it?

My garden

2011-11-29T10:55:00.001-06:00

I think we are winding down for the year. That and the evil spawn dogs keep breaking into it and making me lose all motivation to till and care for it...Yet despite those issues it has still produced:

beets and green beans

carrots

and wee little pumpkins

still have lettuce and cilantro in the ground figured I'd let that keep going

Get ready for next year ask for this book for Christmas or get it from the library now - its hard to find it in garden season:

Square foot gardening

The garden forums here are amazing

Large family dines out

2011-11-29T08:06:00.001-06:00

Janie at Wendy's 2006

No matter how frugal or health conscience one tries to be there will come a time when schedule and desire out weigh the desire to not eat out.

Having said that I do have to say that frugal shopping, meal planning, keeping track of whats in the freezer, pantry and food storage and eating at home is the #1 way for us to save money. But when we are not able to be home, my mom mojo is flat out or we really want a treat these are the ways we save money:

-Eat where there is bare concrete under your feet (aka. Sams club/Costco) Can't beat a pizza and a drink for $1.88 - you can also eat pretty cheap at Target especially if your kids like hot dogs.

-Don't forget about grocery stores there are some places with some fancy nice salad bars. You can even eat well at hospital cafeterias - one in Richmond out paced local restaurants in popularity. And don't forget about the Temple cafeteria for mom & dad - have you had their Steak on a friday night? Delish!!

- Convince your children early that happy meals are a waste of money - Things I say are: I can buy you more toys at the store if I don't buy happy meals here, you get to pick from more things off the dollar menu than the happy meal has, etc...

- We don't upsize or add on.

-Buffets are not a good deal!! - Buffets are EXPENSIVE - and your kids eating the fried crap and jello squares to the tune of $9.50 sucks. We've still done them but its in NO way frugal

- Water cups are your best friend. A super large icee at the movie theater for $5 can be split for four kids with water cups. At coldstone creamery a small scoop and one mix in for 6 will run you almost $30, a pint with 2 mix ins and four water cups will run you $9.

-Drink water. Add lemon if its texas unfiltered water, If you are feeling adventurous add lemon and one sugar packet. (still much less sugar than soda)

-At a sit down restaurant - one or two side items may be cheaper than one meal off the kids menu. Two or three kids splitting an adult meal can be cheaper as well. Extra plates are as much your friend as those water cups.

-Ask the waiter for extra plates and napkins when you place your order, they don't seem to mind large families splitting meals as much as large families sending them back to the kitchen numerous times.

- TIP WELL!! - even if you use a coupon, free kids meals, and split dinners - STILL tip as though you didn't. They are not waiting on your table out of charity. What you spend on tips will always pay rewards in karma.

- Some nicer establishments can be cheaper and much healthier if you play your cards right. Jason's Deli is a good deal and close in price to McDonalds if you order conservatively. And if you eat inside there is free ice cream!

- For families with five children or more old enough to not share - seriously consider the CATERING menu.
Most catering menus will feed 7+ and will save you TONS. Chick-fil-a and subway are two that come to mind with good catering menus. Rosa's $20 fajita meal was more than our family could eat - thats a great deal too!

- Put food coupons in your CAR - you may set them on the counter just in case but impulse usually hits in the car after some outing that took longer than expected and those coupons are on the island in your kitchen.
Pay attention to where the coupons are valid - if you drive to some place and realize they don't accept the coupon but you're really in the mood for that place now - BAM, they got ya at full price! Don't hesitate to ask though - some will take the coupon just to get your business!

-Check the internet for places where kids eat free - Its almost always free kids for every adult meal. Score for parents of two! We now order three adult meals and three free kids meals.

- When your food comes - decide what will keep well as leftovers and save that for last. French fries don't keep but fajita meat saves excellently. A dinner out is easier swallowed if there is enough for Dad's lunch the next day too.

- If you are sharing and want to avoid the I didn't get as much - don't let the kids see the portions from the start - dump all the french fries in the bag and rip the top half of the bag off.

-Sometimes you don't really want to "eat out" you just don't want to eat at home - even grilled cheese sandwiches are fun if you take them down to the park to eat.

Frugality without creativity is deprivation.

Amy Dacyczyn

What if you really did throw it away?

2011-11-28T08:35:00.001-06:00

This is the one area of body acceptance that I have very much struggled with.
I've worked hard to accept my body just the way it is - but I always have that number in the back of my head. I generally do know how much I weigh.
I took the scale out of the bedroom but I couldn't get rid of it so I slid it under the dresser and would take it out on random days and despite the pep talk I gave myself, I would still use that number to beat myself up the rest of the day. Nothing else is quite as quantitative and unkind: I'm fatter than I was X days ago. Who-hoo I lost X lbs. At least I'm skinnier than her. Oh man I probably weigh 50 lbs more than.... on and on and on... If anyone can weigh themselves with completely neutral or positive thoughts my hats off to them.

I put certain weights that I've been at in my life on pedestals.

The weight I was the day I married.

The weight I was before my first positive pregnancy test.

The weight I've gained in pregnancies.

The most weight I've lost after a pregnancy.

The weight before the wreck that birth control pills, depo provera and nuva ring did to my body. That nuva ring almost killed me.

I play little games to congratulate myself:

How much I weigh in relation to my menstrual cycle...

How much I weigh in relation to Kyle...

Did I weigh with clothes, without clothes, wet hair, dry hair, first thing in the morning....

The mental games get kind of ridiculous.

Does it matter what I weighed in 1999, why is a stat from that year dictate how I feel today? If I am bloated does that mean I should be extra depressed today too? I started wondering after reading HAES, what would I be like if I really truly didn't know my weight? I even started wondering about my children - If I balk at the BMI testing at school when does weighing have benefits and not have benefits?

At the premiere of America the Beautiful - there was a question and answer session with the director Darryl Roberts and the lead therapist at a Eating Disorder treatment center - the eating disorder facility was promoting the film tour.

I asked:

"As a mother, what is my responsibility in regards to weighing my children? How often should it be done and for that matter, how often should I weigh myself?"

What she said was refreshing but still a little shocking:

"I think we'd all be better off if we NEVER weighed. - there are times in our history and present cultures that do not weigh themselves at all. There are far more risks to our psyche from fretting about our weight than risks to not knowing what that number is."

Since her answer I have daydreamed about a life where I never knew what I weighed and it seemed rather refreshing to think about.
How much sadness have I let wash over me on the days where I felt thinner and the scaled disagreed. What if I had just walked out of my bedroom that morning feeling thinner? I would have been in a better mood - done more things with a kick of self confidence instead of sulking in to my kitchen berating myself.

If I had never gotten into the habit of weighing would I compare Janie after five kids to Janie the day she married and feel like a failure? Probably not.

I have even daydreamed about a child - never in its life weighed! can you imagine?

A birth announcement that says - a beautiful baby boy/girl has entered our life. And outdated growth charts and body size percentiles politely declined at each dr. appointment?

The only two situations that I can possibly think of needing to know weight:

1. failure to thrive in an infant/ child - there are markers that would be present that would indicate taking accurate weights is needed. A child not adequately nourished will have more symptoms than just weight loss: lethargy, decreased urine/stool, etc... As for my babies there is pretty accurate information that they are putting on weight - I'm putting up too small clothes by week 2 of their little lives.

2. Medication dosage based on weight. I can see the need for this. But you can request that you are weighed and not told the number. Though in general I have asked about this issue MANY times with different health care professionals and I have been told it doesn't matter. Take advil for instance - for children its by weight but not for adults, ballpark I weigh almost twice the amount of my good friend - but by the bottle of advil we take the same dosage? I ask the doctor should I take more? and I get chuckled at - "no you're fine" and the question mark remains over my head
In c-sections for fat moms there is documented evidence that not enough antibiotics are administered and it leads to higher prevalence of infections. So, moms are told they have to know their weight for medication purposes but then don't adjust the levels of medicine anyway.

My guide to letting go of "that" number:

Decide the personal pros/cons of not knowing your weight:

-Does weighing yourself make you happy? Are you psychologically benefiting from knowing? Could you find other indicators to track your health if that motivates you? Clothes size/fitting? How you feel? energy level?

- Are you demonstrating misplaced values to your children, specifically your daughters by weighing frequently and your subsequent mood? Eating disorders often start with frequent self weighing and body snarking.

- Are you aware of all the facets to body size that are not in your control? Or are you beating yourself up for the number that stares back at you? If something tells you daily that you are a failure its a relationship that needs to end.

- Do you give up on exercise routines that don't deliver at the scale? Instead of finding exercise that you enjoy and will do for fun?

-How often do you say - I did it (fill in the blank... triathlon, marathon, diet, etc.) but then say " but the weight came back!" - Basically taking away your feeling of accomplishment because the number didn't stay in the happy zone.

HOW TO STOP:

1. Throw away the scale, or give it to goodwill, but I rather enjoy daydreaming of a modern world without them.

2. Decide now that actual markers of health - mental, social, spiritual, nutritional will be your markers of importance and not your body size or weight.

3. The short time you spent stepping up on that thing instead face yourself mentally or in the mirror and say "Darling you look marvelous"

4. Do not let the school weigh your children. And discuss with your pediatrician options to avoid the scale at well visits. I understand most mothers will find comfort in knowing their child's weight - so that is a personal decision. But I would implore mothers and fathers to not discuss your concerns about your child's body in front of them. They are children and deserve to not give things vastly out of their control time and mental stress. Trust me that if their body size is out of the bell curve either below or above society will point that out enough for them.

5. At the doctors for yourself, cue jaws theme... this may take the most chutzpah of all, here is a sample script when the nice medical assistant walks you to the scale:

"I am sorry I don't weigh, you can write "patient declines" in my chart - if the doctor prescribes medicine that you need my weight for I'll come back out here."

"I am here for a sore throat, my weight doesn't need to be taken its irrelevant"

"I suffer from body image difficulties I'd prefer not to weigh."

or there is always the simple when they gesture to the scale: "no thank you"

If you have an un-supportive doctor then they are not very forward thinking and I'd take my business elsewhere. After I recommended they read Health at Every Size.

Don't let the bully take up anymore space in your bathroom or your life!

also interesting was the three keys to success that the therapist outlined for people that did heal from an eating disorder, she said all three needed to be present:

* They stop weighing themselves. (she emphasized that the prevalence of eating disorders would slow if we never started this trend to begin with.)
* They journal their progress and feelings.
* They seek out another person during stressful times instead of disordered past patterns (calorie restriction, over-exercise, binging, or vomiting)

Nightmare at 20,000 feet

2011-11-26T19:57:00.001-06:00

Portrait of a frightened man: Mr. Robert Wilson, thirty-seven, husband, father, and salesman on sick leave. Mr. Wilson has just been discharged from a sanitarium where he spent the last six months recovering from a nervous breakdown, the onset of which took place on an evening not dissimilar to this one, on an airliner very much like the one in which Mr. Wilson is about to be flown home - the difference being that, on that evening half a year ago, Mr. Wilson's flight was terminated by the onslaught of his mental breakdown. Tonight, he's travelling all the way to his appointed destination, which, contrary to Mr. Wilson's plan, happens to be in the darkest corner of the Twilight Zone.

A while back we discovered all the vintage Twilight Zones on Netflix streaming and as the good parents we are, we started a marathon with our kids. We got to the classic William Shatner episode late into the night. It was a little creepier than I remember it being and the scene where he lifts the shade and the scary monster monkey gremlin is right at the glass it scared Ella so bad she totally flipped out - similar to the way Shatner himself did in the episode. So true to our pranky nature we haven't let her live it down - every once in a while Kyle will switch out the computer wallpaper with the exact image in her favorite scene. When we hear screams we know Ella has logged on to the computer.

It became kind of a running joke.

So for her birthday I had a deliciously funny idea for her cake, the thing on the wing became the thing on a cake!
She didn't get to see her cake till it was time to blow out the candles - it was pretty funny when she saw the cake. I think the lady at the bakery thought I was crazy. But that's ok, I'll do anything for a laugh.
I really will, don't tempt me.

look at little miss with no glasses

gifts, cake and ice cream then off to the movies to see HUGO :)

Ten years?

Really - why do you do this to me?

ten things about Ella:

1. She's a scaredy cat, who likes to be scared and actually thinks its kind of funny. Hence the cake.

2. SHE NEVER EVER EVER once peed in the bed. Went to big girl panties one day when 2 years old and NEVER looked back.

3. She is pretty much brilliant. And I'm not just bragging. She is smarter than me.

4. She is convinced she knows how to drive because as she says "I've watched you closely, ALOT."

5. She is keenly aware of justice. She will fight for someone else being treated poorly or being cheated more than she will fight for herself.

6. She swore her room would be cleaner if she didn't have to share with a sister. She has had her room to herself for over a year - I've never seen such a mess.

7. Her favorite color is teal.

8. Her favorite food is mashed potatoes. She thinks a baked potato topped with mashed potatoes would be a perfect meal.

9. She loves Taylor Swift and this song

10. She likes the limelight and a microphone. She is a natural storyteller (and just general talker)

We love you so much Ella!!!

turkey day :)

2011-11-25T20:16:00.001-06:00

I am thankful for:

family

friends

bestie friends

and said bestie coming to visit

my babies

Ingrid and I both agreed nuzzling a baby's head is one of life's best gifts

a romantic husband

feeling like a teenager with said romantic husband

black friday deals

decorating early so we had energy for black friday shopping

alton brown's turkey recipe, even though he's said some pretty mean things.

thankful that C.Jane had her baby so I can stop obsessively checking and getting mad at all the women who wanted her to just get induced already.

Ella getting contacts and being amazingly capable of taking care of it all.

Kyle's steady, good job - I remember a Christmas where that was not around.

Where's Cora?

2011-11-23T08:00:00.001-06:00

Here is a picture of my Dad and his family, take a look at his little sister Sue in the left corner:

Does it not look just like Cora?

Its about time...

2011-11-21T16:50:00.001-06:00

Mr. PJ turned one (yes, yes I know back in September) but here's his first birthday portraits:

** I have high expectations my babies all get newborn portraits and first birthday ones and they are on display. All bets are off on anything other than that ...I take enough pictures to make up for it though.

I love his scraggly hair - I didn't even want it fixed for pictures because that is how he looks. Its still tripping me out that I have a blondie

not really feeling this momma

what a big boy!

scrumptious toesies

a few of my favorite things:

2011-11-15T08:29:00.001-06:00

from postsecret

For your curls:
Curly Girl the book
High Quality Hair Sticks

For your face:
Oil cleansing method - I've been washing my face with castor oil and olive oil and my acne has dramatically improved!

For your self esteem:
Health at Every Size
Lessons from the Fatosphere, Quit dieting and make a truce with your body.

For your wallet:
You need a budget software
The tightwad gazette
The total Money Makeover

For your birth:
Birth Matters, A midwife's manifesta by Ina May Gaskins
More of the Business of Being Born the four part sequel to the original Business of being born.

For Breastfeeding:
Ina May's guide to breastfeeding

For your body:
Cute clothes for the beautiful fat ladies...
(I am so tired of being jealous of shabby apple dresses.)

Land's End has very high quality Plus size clothes
Igigi has fabulous high end dresses
Torrid has great and sexy clothes
Junonia has WORKOUT clothes!

For your ears:
Adele

For your kitchen:
Great Depression Cooking with Clara
My favorite kitchen gadget of the year : Disposal Genie

For your blog:
I have loved getting my blog printed by year here: Cutest Blog on the Block

fun run ...

2011-11-14T08:28:00.001-06:00

before I get to the fun run... lookie at the stuff I'm getting from my fall garden, I have to say other than starting seeds in the heat of august this texas fall garden has been AWESOME:

these are backwards but I'm not going to bother flipping them all around. The girls had their school's fun run on Friday - they had a lot of fun. I felt the pressure to shell out more money than I'd like. The school made 13,000 dollars!!!!!!! Don't really feel great about that - what in the world do we need with all that money? and they still want dues and party money?

I don't get it. But that is just me.

After the fun run we skipped the assembly - I think if I'm counting right its the NINTH assembly since school started. We decided to duck out and go play at the playground instead. I don't think sitting on a cold hard floor for 45 minutes to an hour is all that developmentally appropriate for little kids. Especially since one minute they are pumping loud music getting them to dance then they are yelling at them to sit still and be quiet in other parts. It makes me antsy.

And while I'm complaining about that, I think chivalry is all but dead. I go to things like this and every time I see mom's standing with babies in arm while tons of men sit, never offering a seat.

rant over.

us playing at the playground instead of at the assembly:

at the fun run:

Ella ran 3.2 miles!

boy scout merit badge

2011-11-11T19:02:00.001-06:00

Hi its Ben i have to earn a merit badge so i am talking about how i love reading. I love adventure books like rangers apprentice,eragon,warriors,and yu gi oh. I also love funny books like Garfield, and practical jokes. The books i want is the new eragon book on November 30.if you want to see my school library go tohttp://rogerslibrary.rogers.prosperisd.schoolfusion.us

bye, Ben

my boys...

2011-11-11T08:49:00.001-06:00

Its so funny to me to have a baby boy again after 10 years.

There is just something about a baby boy. I mean baby girls are a sweet combo of awesomeness but there is a very strong bond between boy and momma.

PJ is so very attached to me. I've been used to the independent nature of my little girls and the calmness too.

Thanks to the internet you can be wrong fovever -like me and sippy cups, after three relatively calm girls I decided straw cups were the best thing since sliced bread - but the girls were not really into throwing cups either. PJ is a cup chucker - If he's done drinking he's throwing that bad boy directly at the floor or wall. And new puppies love pulling straws out and chewing them to shreds.

In the time since I used sippy's regularly they have gone valve free so I'm back to sippy cups...

PJ is still breastfeeding - a feat that I am proud of. We have avoided all the severe constipation problems that my others went through when I weaned too early.

There are special considerations for extended breastfeeding. Like that you are one of very few still nursing your baby past the first birthday.

That at the doctors they will look at you funny - even though they should be promoting that exact thing.

"Is he on whole or 2% milk?"

neither.

formula?

no.

blank stare -

I am still breastfeeding him.

"ooooohhhhhhh."

After his shots can I stay in this room and nurse him?

long pause...

"That should be ok, I'll have to check ..."

- ok you do that.

PJ really only nurses in the morning regularly anymore - anything else is just a bonus.

He lays and nurses on one side and then stands to nurse on the other side - its quite funny to see. Kyle giggles at him often.

I just bought a real bra, flap free after three years. But I'll be sad to see this stage officially go when it does.

Then there is my big boy.

Its a surreal moment to walk downstairs in the morning to a son nearing my height - who has already made his lunch and wanted juice too so he made of pitcher of that. And he has a wallet and his own ID to keep track of and he rarely loses either.

He is in two Pre-AP classes now and is doing rather well at them. The math class has completely surpassed my intellectual capabilities so Dad is the lone helper for homework.

He has his own business. He's put up flyers around the neighborhood for dog poop scooping. $2.50/ yard per week.

He has left me a checklist to make more posters and he has his own email account for the business. With 600 homes in the neighborhood - he could do pretty well with this.

He is very much like his father, but also me too. He's kind and sensitive. He can lose his temper and say things he doesn't mean, especially if he thinks he is purposefully being slighted. But he's a good friend. And I try to teach him everyday that there is someone, somewhere who needs a friend, its always good to be that person.

The stages to this motherhood thing are so fluid, just when you feel like you will be stuck in one forever its gone just like that. When a mother of one or two little ones ask me how I do it, its hard to impart that its not that bad - its wonderful actually.

Two under 3 was hard. Five under 11 is not any harder. Its not like you can multiply in your mind your two little ones and think its the same for a mother of many. I don't have 5 little ones, I have some in every stage from 11 to still crawling.
You buy a little more food and do a little more laundry. But you have a lot more fun.
One child takes 100% of a mom's time, more kids can't take more than that.

I remember my three year old Benjamin like I remember my newborn PJ - it feels like yesterday and forever ago all at the same time.

He's 6 months away from getting the Priesthood. He's five years away from driving. And he is 10 years away from the age Kyle and I were when we married.

wow. if that doesn't make life feel like a speeding fast train.

Words matter.

2011-11-09T10:00:00.001-06:00

Words matter. Words become labels, and labels become stigmas.

Wonderful article on the misuse of the word epidemic when it comes to obesity.

We are not getting as "FAT" as they claim. (they being the government, news sources and the weight loss industry bankrolling the aforementioned.)
We have as a whole increased about one dress size since the 70's - which by the way correlates with the introduction of subsidized corn and high fructose corn syrup.
We are also getting taller and our feet are bigger but that isn't freaking people out.
I don't know about you but when I look around there is still pretty much a bell curve - most in the middle some on the super end of thin (like most of my past roommates) and some on the super end of fat. - That's me, I'm morbidly obese, though as Stephen Colbert says I prefer the term cheerfully obese. In a room of about a hundred there are two or three people my size. Not the sea of fatties that the news would want you to think.
Despite the obesity epidemic fraud life expectancy is still higher than it ever has been and heart disease is decreasing.
The statistics of disease caused by obesity is BAD science. They are only looking at correlating factors. Things that happened around the same time as fat increasing. But the fat may be caused by the disease itself not the other way around. How many women are not treated for PCOS or thyroid issues because a medical professional sees a woman with 'bad' habits that need to be improved without actually asking about her habits.
And it doesn't answer the fact that the majority of fat people are not riddled with disease and thin people also suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes, fibromyalgia, and heart disease. So if being fat doesn't always cause it and being thin doesn't always prevent it. Can we for the LOVE... make healthcare size neutral?
Rarely talked about is the obesity paradox - the fact that there are some health benefits to fat.

You know what the real epidemic is?

STIGMA

There are studies of cultures where fat is not pathologized or stigmatized and there are no correlating factors between fat and disease.

Fighting obesity is not a fight we should be participating in.

What I hope fat people remember is that whether people are making the mistake of confusing weight and health because they are well intentioned or because it’s incredibly profitable for them, it’s still a mistake; and even if a million people are screaming a myth at the top of their lungs that doesn’t make it the truth, no matter how powerful or credentialed they might be.

Our weight is not a barometer for anything – not for our health, value, intelligence, abilities, or anything else. From looking at our size, people can determine our size, and what their prejudices and preconceived notions about people of our size are. Anything else they think they know is just them making stuff up in their heads based on those prejudices and preconceived notions. That’s not our fault, though it does become our problem.
-from here

When we wage a war on obesity. We are essentially saying:

No one wins. Fat people no matter their habits healthy or not are told they are WRONG. And thin people become ever more afraid of getting fat. And those that do not have healthy habits are ok as long as they are thin.

Its not just about the fact that 95% of dieters fail - a large percentage of those dieters will weigh MORE than when they started restricting their diet.

So next time you are considering dieting or putting your child on a diet - you may tell yourself "we'll be the five percent - we will beat this..." think of it this way:

The trouble is that this isn’t about being proficient at a skill (dieting), this is about our health. If Viagara worked 5% of the time and 95% of guys who took it became LESS able to get erections, I seriously doubt that we would be telling guys to keep taking it and just try harder.
From here: The five percent

** PS. I met Ragen in person this weekend and the director to this documentary - it is still screening in Dallas through tomorrow - go see it especially if you are interested in HAES. Its a whole nother blogpost in and of itself! Ragen is the dancer in the preview :

please also take the poll I have up if you have a second.

** while writing this post the news reported that Rapper Heavy D died, no cause of death yet but most are blaming his weight - through the years he has fluctuated his weight by 100 pounds, some are saying he recently lost another 100 pounds. My mind has to wonder if he had accepted his body and healthy intuitive eating instead of dieting what would be? who knows but I shudder to think of the mean things that will be said and reported.

I LOVE ...

2011-11-07T13:14:00.001-06:00

sisters. need I say more?

Oh my gosh those cheeks I could just nibble on them, oh yeah I totally do :)

Ella's doodling

Cora is so talkative these days and very emotive - she loves everything. No really I mean loves everything - the following in caps is her squealing at the tops of her lungs:

Me: Cora I got you some new pants.

Cora: I LOVE NEW PANTS, where did you get them?

Me: I got them at Sams club.

Cora: I LOVE SAMS CLUB

Me: Cora lets go to the store.

Cora: I LOVE THE STORE

Me: Lets go cook dinner now.

Cora: I LOVE COOKING DINNER

Me: lets go out to the bus stop

Cora: I LOVE GOING TO THE BUS STOP.

its funny the excitement is kind of catchy. this might sound strange but I hope I always have a preschooler in my life!

Seems like she was just this size a few minutes ago.

Weight Loss Surgery at Baylor

2011-11-03T09:16:00.004-05:00

A fat person who loves the skin they are in is dangerous to a consumerist system.

excellent article on Psychology today - why loving your body is dangerous

so this came in the mail the other day and I didn't want to read it, but I did.

And it made me soooooo mad.

first... cute pun on words - I mean, not "she's healthier" (because that would be a lie) but her 'weight' is over. What does that mean - she doesn't weigh anything at all anymore??

but anyway to the meat of the pseudo-article:

First off all three women had surgery in 2010. Notice thistrend those of you considering WLS. Of all the advertising I've seen of WLSrecipients the longest time since surgery has been 3 years. Notice they don'tshow you people 5, 10, 15, 20 years post surgery. That wouldn't sell. Even though the articles says gastric bypass is the oldest, most established surgical procedure... oh really then how about you show someone who had it 10, 20, 30 years ago?

Even the industryadmits to having a hard time tracking patients long term - that is attributed that to the fact that many are embarrassed at re-gain and stay away.

THIS IS A HUGE MONEY-MAKING INDUSTRY, With profit margins so high they have almost everyone in their backpocket including the government agencies that should be regulating them andmaking them include truth in advertising.

truth inadverstising - Oh I make myself laugh.

the following info from the article is in red - response information is mostly from here

"Weight LossSurgery can improve your quality of life and extend your life expectancy"says Andre Graham, MD

Your bologna has afirst name Dr. Graham...

4.6% of patients die after having bariatric surgeriesjust within the first year. Most bariatricpatients are women of childbearing age and such high surgical risks are notfound in any other elective procedure done on such young patients, regardlessof their size.

U.S. Centers for Disease Control andPrevention researchers in the June 2004 issue of the Journal of theAmerican Medical Association reported that since 1999,the prevalence of obesity and extreme obesity, and hence any deaths“associated” with obesity and extreme obesity in our country, have increased inactual percentages only 0.1% and 0.4%

“Certainly there is no steady increasein mortality with increasing overweight,” according to Dr. Ernsberger and PaulHaskew in a comprehensive review of more than 400 papers in the Journal of Obesityand Weight Regulation. In fact, most show fatnessespecially as we age, to be particularly favorable for longevity.

also from theadvertisement:

Obesity islinked with high cholesterol and triglycerides, high blood pressure, heartdisease, diabetes, sleep apnea, menstrual irregularities, reflux, incontinence,depression, back and joint pain.

Well I am gladthat in this particular advertisement they chose the word "linked"instead of caused by... because the big picture is being missed here. Thin people have those conditions too, as well as people long term after WLS. Correlation is not causation - I've already covered that bag of worms here. And the improvements that are seen after surgery are due to changes that could have been made without the risk.

Then there wasthis lovely quote by Sina Martin, MD:

"For everypound you lose, you gain days of your life."

this is such aflaming bag of BS Dr. Martin, I don't even know where to start. -

By having bariatric surgery a woman increases her risk ofdying 45-fold.

Meanwhile,women even just 100 pounds over “ideal” weights are lining up for thesesurgeries with no idea just how much they’re risking their lives. And parentsare signing on the dotted line for their teenage daughters.

More than8,000 Americans — mostly young women — lost their lives last year from aprocedure they were told offers them their only hope for survival.Yet, all of these women would likely still be alive a year later hadthey not had the surgery.

Thesesurgeries aren’t about saving lives!

Then myultimate favorite quote was this one:

"So manypeople think surgery is dangerous and you shouldn't do it until everything elsehas failed, " Says Frank Felts MD on staff at Baylor. "Weight losssurgery needs to be considered frontline mainstream treatment for weightloss."

what a stupidstatement Dr. Felts:

1. ANY surgeryespecially under general anesthesia is dangerous - you idiot.

2. What is thatstatement mean anyway? You don't answer the concern of so many people - Yesmany people consider the surgery dangerous - well is it or is it not?

When I read itto Kyle he said its like saying "So many people think being shot isdangerous." You think by stating the obvious you discredit common sense?

3. WLS surgeryshould be frontline. Lets for a minute think that accepting healthy behaviors,not caring about your weight and changing society's views of beauty are uselessgoals (which I don't consider to be the case) and pretend that weight loss is the pinnacle of health.

YOU THINK THATBYPASSING YOUR STOMACH SHOULD BE THE FRONTLINE TREATMENT????

ARE YOUFREAKING KIDDING ME?

DR. FELTS???

did you takethe Hippocratic oath? First do no harm.

the analogy of"frontline" is the first attack in battle. You think the FIRST THINGsomeone should consider/do for weight loss is to surgically alter their body?

un.freakin.believable.

Want to read some sobering information about weight loss surgery go here:

http://obesitysurgery-info.com

Or here.

A study headed by Dr David Flum in Washington which analyzed the case histories of 62,000 gastric bypass patients, found that within the first 30 days after surgery, the death rate had been 1 death every 50 surgeries. This was considerably higher than even the worst estimate. Dr Flum commented on CNN news that it was time for "a reality check on this surgery"

"The ethical haze surrounding bariatric procedures is not unknown in surgery, said Laurence B. McCullough, PhD, a professor of medicine and medical ethics at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas."

** funny that quote is also from Baylor - guess they've gotten over the moral dilemma.

_________________________________________________________
now for some humor on the subject:

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Halloween Picture Pages

2011-10-31T20:57:00.004-05:00

trunk or treat:

Sock Hop at school:

Trick or Treating:

the harder you try to lose weight...

2011-10-31T10:16:00.001-05:00

This is a fascinating concept that HAES introduced me too. I had already gathered on my own that dieting doesn't work and it will be depressing when Kristie Alley gains the weight back, or Oprah does, Or your friend, or yourself. It will take different amounts of time for the weight to come back for different people. But it almost always comes back. Except for the few who have adopted full on disordered eating - and then they are thin, but their regimen, diet, exercise, calories is ALL they can talk/think about. And they dont' seem to enjoy social situations especially if food is involved because they have become afraid of food. Visit on online forum for weight loss and bathe in the sadness of eating disorders and false pride. but I digress again...

**Study shows why its hard to keep the weight off.

ARE YOU A RESTRAINED EATER?

hopefully not. I am. (a recovering one.)

You would think being a restrained eater is a good thing. Someone who controls their cravings and appetite and has adopted moderation in all things.

But in the context of intuitive eating unrestrained eaters have a healthy relationship with food.

An unrestrained eater, listens to their body's cues and are sensitive to hunger and satiety need. They eat when hungry and stop when full. They naturally guide themselves toward healthy foods without caring about calories. They listen to their bodies and work with it instead of against it.
Years of self hate and attempts to lose weight can break these internal signals.

Have you spent time learning and counting the calories of all types of food - or their POINTS value?
Do you spend weekends telling yourself on Monday. ON MONDAY you will start eating "healthy" and you mean it this time!!!

Have you signed up for weight watchers, Paleo, clean eating, south beach, Jenny Craig, Atkins, cabbage soup diet, body for life, Dr. Phil, HCG (that one is a special version of scary) etc. Giving your cues for food choices and fullness over to someone's opinion or system?

When you ignore your own body's cues, it starts to damage your relationship with food.

Some symptoms of restrained eaters:

*I generally count calories before deciding if something is OK to eat.
*I am often frustrated with my body size and wish that I could control it better.
*I am often on a diet or seriously considering one.
*I usually feel like a failure when I eat more than I should.
*I often feel physically weak and or hungry because I am trying to control my weight.
*I often turn to food when stressed out or sad.
*I am afraid to be around some foods because I don't want to be tempted.
*I feel safest if I have a plan or diet to guide my eating.
*I worry more about how fattening a food might be than how nutritious it is.
*I equate guilt with eating.
*Its hard to resist something good if it is around me even if I am not hungry.

Food is food. Don't let it make you feel guilty. Your body is not wrong don't let it make you feel bad. Listen to it.

"What is the danger in restrained eating habits? If you are a restrained eater, you try to control your body weight and don't trust your body to do it for you. You're likely to be gaining weight or at the very least frustrated in your efforts to lose.
Why? Because attempts to control your food intake through willpower and control require that you drown out the internal signals leaving you much more vulnerable to external signals. This approach is a problem because unless you lock yourself in a closet, there's no way to control the constant exposure to food we face in our world."

"Emotions such as depression, anxiety, anger, fear and excitement or dis-inhibitors such as alcohol or medication, cause a restrained eater to overeat. Conversely they turn off the appetite of an unrestrained eater to overeat. As long as things go well, the restrained eater can maintain control. But if anything gets in the way of changes, he/she can't maintain that control. The reason is clear: Restrained eaters don't rely on the normal signals of fullness to regulate their eating, so there are no brakes in place."
All from Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon.

Want to be an unrestrained eater?

Read up on intuitive eating. Of course this is a good place to start.
Start listening to your body not magazines or the Today show or people at work about how to eat.

Eat delicious, nutritious foods. (Whole foods are great place to start)
Pay attention when you eat, Enjoy the food. Taste the food.
Satisfy your hunger.
Stop when you are full.
______________________________________________________________________________

here is a wonderful synopsis from Golda Poretsky:

1) Get Clarity – Take a moment to write down all of the diet rules that still haunt you. They may be conflicting, nonsensical, or sometimes sort of sensible. Whatever they are, get them all out on paper. Then decide if any are worth keeping. Only keep the ones that really honor your body and itschangeability – such as getting adequate water, avoiding allergenic foods, stuff like that. Throw out any rules that limit the types of foods you can eat (unless you have allergies or other health concerns) and definitely toss the calorie and carb counting.

2) Listen To Yourself – We all have a voice within us that tells us what foods nourish us and advises us as to our hunger and fullness. Note, we ALL have this voice. Sometimes this voice has been stifled by pushy parents or diet rules or our emotional torment, but trust me, it is there. Take steps to actively listen for this voice. Honor it no matter how quietly it speaks. If you think you heard it and turned out to be wrong, listen for it again tomorrow. Trust me that it is safe to trust yourself.

3) Pay Attention – Notice which foods feel best to you. Do you like a muffin and coffee in the morning or an apple and almond butter and tea? Does it depend on how much sleep you got, how much stress you’re under? What time of year it is? Are comfort foods comforting sometimes and sometimes not so much? Notice the effects on your energy levels. Notice comfort and discomfort.

Continually repeat the above to get better and better at tuning in.

In truth, the only rule is that there are no rules. You make the rules. It’s okay to be heady with that power as long as you let your body lead the way.

PS. Have you signed the HAES pledge yet? PLEASE, please, please, please do.

follow the rest of my series by clicking on a label:

Pumpkin Farm Field trip

2011-10-27T09:23:00.000-05:00

Its funny to see the progression of my little ones as we've been going here over the years.

Its easy to tell Maiya is well loved by the kids in her class. Ever since she was little she is shy but still manages to make many friends. I remember when I was taking care of my mom during chemo/radiation watching her on the daycare webcam - she wasn't talking yet but she still managed to take charge of the situation.

During one reading time she got up and started taking books off the bookshelf - in record time the teacher lost control over all the kids and every single book was off the shelf.

she's a quiet leader.

I am going to have lots of pumpkins to bake and puree after halloween - Since I started this frugal trick I haven't had to buy canned pumpkin and its so much better tasting too!

mascara

2011-10-26T04:31:00.000-05:00

In a podcast I linked up to the other day, wait give me a minute to find it - here it is.
Linda Bacon discussed why the weight loss industry is so profitable and persuasive. If you are convinced that your body shape is wrong you'll do most anything to "fix" it. That's how something is sold daily that has a 95% failure rate. Its how people are signing up for a surgery with an outstandingly stupid crazy death rate and hasn't been proven to improve health even when it doesn't manage to kill you.

Health doesn't sell like fat hate does. Health at every size is hard to catch on because there is not really anyone to profit but you and your own instinct.

Then she discussed mascara. To sell you mascara the beauty product industry needs to sell you the idea that your natural lashes aren't good enough.

That thought and my recent addiction to Mad Men on netflix got me to thinking. How often are we sold the idea that we aren't good enough just. the. way. we. are. Just to buy something someone is peddling to us.

One look at women's magazines and you'd think the American woman's mission in life is flat tummy and pleasing him in bed. And if you could lose that much weight in one month why do you keep selling these magazines with the same goal? I think Woman's day has done nothing but regurgitate the latest diet fad for the last 30 years.

It also made me think about natural childbirth. Birth in this country has become another HUGE industry. Women have become so afraid of the birth process that just mention homebirth and you get the 'wow that's crazy or you are so brave" comments. Our bodies were made to birth. We don't need IV's, pitocin, surgery except in true emergencies, But its hard to tell what a true emergency is at a hospital because they've convinced us that its so freaking dangerous we might as well just get those things from the start. I don't think I did any thing special by birthing without drugs. When I beat the natural childbirth drum its not to say Look at what I did! I did it better than you. I am saying I wish women knew how amazing this process is when unmessed with! I think you can do it!!! I bet you could do it BETTER than I did!

I've already said I think this is a full on attack from the Adversary. And I think he's winning. Four out of five women are dissatisfied with the way they look.

Dissatisfied women have the potential to raise daughters with body image issues. There is an excellent post here about changing the tide for the next generation from Allison Dickson:

I sat her down last night and I told her that the path I took at her age, the one where I noticed for the first time (with help from others) that I was "fat," was blocked. That she would not go the way I did. She wouldn't be the one searching desperately for a solution, no matter how destructive, to a problem that doesn't exist. A non-existent problem that only becomes a problem when we try to solve it. I told her that I would not allow her to be driven by shame and loathing, from herself or others.

I know that I have done this to her, and it is perhaps my greatest failure as a parent. But I didn't realize then the damage I was doing. That hating myself in front of her was teaching her to hate herself.

It's not too late to fix it, though. Of this, I am sure. My intelligent, generous, loving, artistic, funny, compassionate, animal-loving (and, yes, beautiful) daughter will know how very precious she is. I will teach her the habits I should have had at her age. That to live, love, sing, dance, run, swim, laugh, cry, and eat is all part of being a human, and that her long legs, her wide hips, the pooch of her belly -- however they may grow or change shape as she ages or bears children someday -- are a lovely vehicle in which to do all of those things, and she should cherish it and nurture it and love it. Not starve it or cut it or deny it or hate it.

When we start looking outside ourselves for reasons to like ourselves, our worth all of sudden exists in the external.

I do it, even when I wrote about liking yourself right now just the way you are, I talked about makeup and hair.
This is dangerous.

We can start to care more about what we weigh, what we wear, where we live, what we drive, how our house is decorated, how exercising will make us look not how it will make us feel. And the thing is none of that will make us happy.

Since my mascara a-ha moment I've looked at my daily practices and the root cause of them. I still love makeup and fixing my hair. But I also don't mind leaving the house without those. I try to remember the Young Woman's theme more than commercial rhetoric.

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love him.

that's what its all about.

I don't need mascara.
I don't need designer clothes.
What I wear places is not as important as what I DO when I get there.
My home is a home with or without decorations or hardwood floors.
Driving a minivan isn't embarrassing. Its a car that gets me and my family from A to B, A porsche would do the same thing.
A refurbed laptop does what I need as well as the latest Ipad.
Thrift store clothes on my kids are just as good as clothes from the mall.
etc. etc. etc. (King and I anyone?)

** Its funny to me that Allergan the maker of LabBand also is the company behind Botox and Latisse the eyelash growing goo - that may or may not give you racoon eyes for life.

the big texan.

2011-10-24T16:52:00.001-05:00

Last stop in Amarillo - the Big Texan

Free gigantic steak if you can eat it all, and a baked potato, and a shrimp coctail and salad and roll.

$72 bucks if you can't finish it

oh and you have to sit at a big table in front of everyone and be on webcam.

we didn't try - though I teased Kyle incessantly to...

That's all folks - we made this trip to Amarillo instead of doing the State fair like we did last year.

not to knock the State fair because it was its own special breed of awesomeness, but we did this little road trip for only a little more dough and had a blast!!

(and I can't help but wonder if my mom of oz tag has been painted over yet...)

My tips for road tripping with a large family:

1. I know lots of people like the lots of "stuff" method but I start to lose my mind with lots of stuff and electronics and snacks. I like a book on CD that will entertain most. Three snacks that will occupy most and juice boxes - the box from those becomes the trashcan.

2. Van is somewhat reorganized at every stop.

3. You HAVE to have one of these little potty's Your kids might need it way past its age appropriateness.

4. Sometimes mom has to sit in the back with the kids. The lack of adult conversation will be offset with the lack of fighting.

5. The alphabet game never gets old and my husband is uber competitive. And talking can be better than the radio and sometimes we do the NO TALKING, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW or we are leaving you behind at the next stop. Don't double dog dare us to.

6. Stopping to get bread and a little jar of mayo and lunch meat (get a lone knife at the salad bar) is way cheaper for a family of seven though we didn't do that this trip. And we reserve doing some more expensive things on trips like vending machines that I usually say NO WAY to, can be there own little adventure.

7. an actual paper map with a marker to check off distance traveled slows the "are we there yets?"

8. Find out a little bit of the history of where you are going because your kids will be a little disappointed that when were are actually "there" Amarillo just looks like Plano. America's kind of turned into one vast wasteland of all the same billboards and restaurants off the interstate.

9. A hotel with an indoor pool and a hot breakfast bar is worth it. Need a good deal on travel go here: Abundant Travel.

10. Oh yeah - your jacket is your pillow and your blanket.

the end.

Weight loss surgery on children, when the world totally lost its ever loving mind.

2011-10-24T08:45:00.004-05:00

I didn't even intend to write about HAES today but then I read that England was going to start covering gastric weight loss surgery for children as young as ELEVEN.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

holy mother of all that is unholy and evil and stupid.

ELEVEN.

Because you should be interfering with your body's gastric system before you are even solidly into puberty and are most certainly not done growing. And to tick me off more they included headless fatty pictures of children and fat child eating junk food pictures to the article.

I hate headless fatty pictures. If you want pictures of fat people come take a picture of me and my husband flying kites with our kids or hiking or in our Sunday best.

You want a fat person eating fast food, pan out on that zoom lens you got going on and see that there are probably thin people next to them eating THE EXACT SAME STUFF. Funny thing is last time I took my kids to the playland at McDonalds there were plenty of thin people there.

Anyway I digress...

There was also the news story of a sweet woman who died after lap band surgery.

Rojeski, a Ladera Ranch resident who loved dogs and worked as a buyer for an aerospace firm, had told friends and family that she was looking forward to the Lap-Band surgery. One friend described Rojeski as being thrilled ahead of what she hoped would be a life-changing procedure.

"I had just talked to Paula the night before. She was really excited, really happy. She told me, 'I'm going to be skinny!'"

so. so. sad.

There is also news that a new group has formed to fight for obesity rights, specifically for obesity to be considered a disease on its own accord.

One might on first thought think this is a fat acceptance group fighting for equal rights, rights for people to work, be promoted etc. despite their size.

not so.

CHOICE – Choosing Health Over Obesity and Inspiring Change Through Empowerment.

is, drum roll please...

"Choice" is actually Allergan and the public face to their BIG, BIG business lobbying of government to get obesity considered a disease so they can FORCE insurance agencies and medicare/medicaid to cover obesity surgeries.

SURGERIES That are KILLING PEOPLE!!
following from here:

In the more than forty years that bariatric surgeries have been performed, there have been no randomized, controlled clinical trials that have shown any long-term improvements to actual health or that lives are saved or extended by these surgeries

The end result of bariatric surgery is surgically induced malnutrition:

Gastric bypass essentially results in surgically enforced, very low-calorie, low-carbohydrate dietary intake, thus requiring attention to adequate (>0.5 g/kg) daily protein intake. Micronutrients, including calcium, vitamin B12, folate, multivitamins, thiamine, and iron (for menstruating female subjects), must be supplemented after gastric bypass. A bariatric dietitian who is familiar with the progressive addition of food items with more complex compositions and consistencies can help with meal planning and nutritional “troubleshooting” as recovery proceeds. Finally, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medications should be avoided, to reduce the risk of intestinal ulceration and bleeding.

Dr. Smith then discusses the patients in her practice who have had bariatric surgery. A few have done okay, but most haven’t even though they had their surgeries done by the same surgeon and at the same medical center.

One lady passes kidney stones every couple of weeks. Another regurgitates anything solid that she tries to eat and yet has only lost 20 pounds in six months. She says she makes up the calories in liquid. Another can not eat more than one slice of toast at a time without getting sick. Some have chronic diarrhea. Many have nutritional deficiencies. A couple have gained their weight back after 10 or 20 years. And yet, not one of them says they regret having the surgery, such is the praise they get from others for losing weight. If asked, every single one of them would call themselves healthier, but from my perspective their health is worse. They all require more monitoring and more interventions than they did before having the surgery.

It's the height of arrogance, however, to push this medically induced malnourished state on a still developing and growing child. We don't know what damage we may do in the long-run to their bodies or their minds with these procedures.

Her observations partly explain why we hear so little about the severity and prevalence of tragic outcomes among these patients, why patients are not speaking out and bringing lawsuits in droves, and why so few patients really understand beforehand the risks and what their lives will be like after surgery. These are critically important realizations for healthcare professionals, families and anyone considering these surgeries. So, I am going to expound upon them in hopes that it will bring better understanding and enable us to better help our patients, friends and loved ones.

One bariatric patient shared with other patients her experiences:

...If you tell the average person that doesn't really know what weight loss surgery is, they are totally stunned. They just know that your stomach is smaller and that you lose weight. They don't know that the body is getting butchered up. And for the people who do know what the surgery entails, they are so caught up in the disgrace of being obese that they think it's okay to butcher the body to be almighty thin.

When I became very sick, almost 6 years ago, trying to find a doctor to help me, I had friends and relatives tell me “but you would be dead if you hadn't gotten the surgery!” --- and here I was, dying when they were telling me this, because of the surgery! This is how ingrained it is in society, how dangerous it is to be obese.

By having bariatric surgery a woman

increases her risk of dying 45-fold.

My lasting opinion of all of this is: I may write about this just to change women's perspectives but really altering society's ideals of beauty is a live saving endeavor.

ALL people, especially fat people and more especially fat children NEED to know that they belong in this world.
Food is not evil. It nourishes you.
Your body is not wrong it houses you.
Moving feels good and is good for you, you should find a place where you can do it without ridicule.
Don't let anyone cut on your body just to make it look different.
If you survive the surgery, you may live with unintended consequences for the
REST. OF. YOUR. LIFE.

Palo Duro Canyon

2011-10-20T10:09:00.002-05:00

Amarillo By Mornin'
Up from San Antone
Everything that I got
Is just what I've got on.
When that sun is high in that Texas sky,
I'll be buckin' at the county fair.
Amarillo By Mornin'
Amarillo I'll be there.

If you go to Amarillo when you get done with your graffiti at Cadillac Ranch, the next place to see is

Palo Duro Canyon

• Known as “Texas’ Grand Canyon.”

• Man has inhabited Palo Duro Canyon for approximately 12,000 years.

• Palo Duro Canyon is located on the southern high plains, an area called El Llano Estacado or "staked plains."

• The rim of the canyon is considered part of the short grass prairie while the elevated moisture of the canyon floor supports a

greater diversity of plants including some medium and tall grass species along with shrubs and trees.

• Palo Duro Canyon contains many species of wildlife including the rare Texas Horned Lizard, and Palo Duro Mouse.

• Other species include wild turkey, white tail and mule deer, Barbary sheep, coyotes, cottontail rabbits, roadrunners, and

western diamondback rattlesnakes.

• The canyon is approximately 120 miles long, 20 miles wide, and 800 feet deep.

• The slopes of the canyon reveal the colorful natural history of the area.

• Dating back 250 million years, the oldest layers of rock, Cloud Chief Gypsum, can only be seen in a few areas in the canyon

You have my permission to forgive yourself.

2011-10-17T23:21:00.000-05:00

When I was 12 you said "wow you'd make two of her"
When I was 30 I overheard you say "its too bad she let herself go."
I've worked hard to forgive 'you'. But I've had to work harder to forgive myself.
I'm not blaming myself anymore. It stops now.

I have been writing about size acceptance and Health at Every size but I think I need to slow down and explain some more of "my truth"
I call it my truth because that is what it is. I will point to some studies and cite some resources but the theme is that this is my truth. I've lived in this body for almost 34 years and for many of those years its a been a body easily judged.
When I blog about health at every size - I don't blog to necessarily convince anyone of anything - though that would be nice. I blog for the me 15 years ago who needed this. I can't go back in time and talk to that me but maybe someone else can read this and benefit.

Fat is not wrong.
Fat is not a sin or weakness.
Fat is not a necessarily a sign that you are unhealthy.
Fat will not kill you.
Fat will not cost society bazillions in healthcare costs.
Its NOT a simple equation of Calories in/Calories out
Almost any statement about fat following 'well everybody knows..." is most of the time opinion and rarely an actual fact
Healthy choices are paramount but what you look like is determined by many factors: genetics, hormones, environment, thyroid issues, PCOS, etc...
Diets don't work. The measure of a successful diet is five years of maintained weight loss. The success rate for that is less than 5% - a statistical failure. What diets do succeed at is money making - a 60 BILLION dollar soul crushing industry.

from here:

If we wanted long term weight loss using this theory (calories in/calories out) then we’d have to eventually turn to starvation

If we wanted to use calories in/calories out effectively, knowing what we now know about entropy and how decrease in caloric intake causes decreased basal metabolic rate, we would just have to keep decreasing our calories and increasing our exercise until eventually we would be following disordered eating patterns. It would be the only way to stay under our ever plummeting BMR and eat less than we burn. Perhaps this is why 95% of intentional weight loss efforts fail. The body releases weight at first but then the damn science catches up to us and no matter how hard the people who’ve attended a physics amateur hour try to yell to the contrary, they will never be able to out-science the actual laws of thermodynamics and the complicated human body...

I'll give you a moment to take that all in.
You may disagree. That is ok.

I've had plenty of thin roommates - in fact all the non-related females I have lived with were size 0-8 - mostly in the size 2 area. One was a size 00 - I didn't even know that size existed till her. I wasn't overly impressed with their willpower or exercise habits - we had similar eating and exercise habits. Yet I felt like a failure because my dress size exceeded what GAP would carry.

following info from here:

Starting in 1959 Jules Hirsch was curious about weight loss - he basically starved 8 fat people with a 600 calorie diet until they had lost significant amounts of weight. Thinking their bodies were so drastically altered and now in a thin state they could maintain it. Not so -they regained and he was horrified.. And his testing went on and on to the point that participants in his studies experienced starvation induced neurosis.While in this state of reduced caloric intake participants metabolism dropped up to 24%. The requirement to maintain weight loss long term was to be metabolically in a constant state of starvation.

Then another researcher Ethan Sims wondered if naturally thin people deliberately got fat what would happen. He had prisoners volunteer for the experiment - trying to gain as much weight as possible. It took tremendous effort. Four to six months of consuming up to 10,000 calories a day (yes you read that right). During this phase their metabolism increased up to 50%. And when the study ended they effortlessly returned to normal weight and stayed there.

The message is clear. Your body has a set point weight it wants you to be at. Disease may alter that level but doctors should treat disease not size. "Lose weight" is not a prescription.

There is a reason that fat people cannot stay thin after they diet and that thin people cannot stay fat when they force themselves to gain weight. The body's metabolism speeds up or slows down to keep weight within a narrow range. Gain weight and the metabolism can as much as double; lose weight and it can slow to half its original speed.

The message of these studies never really got out to the nation's dieters. What industry would benefit from: "its good for your body to be healthy, but really in the end you'll look like your parents."

Some days I get so sick of diet and weight loss surgery ads. I think I should write a HAES post for every single one I hear. But I'd probably not have fingers left.

More interesting studies have been done on twins:

Stunkard ended up with 540 adults whose average age was 40. They had been adopted when they were very young - 55 percent had been adopted in the first month of life and 90 percent were adopted in the first year of life. His conclusions, published in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1986, were unequivocal. The adoptees were as fat as their biological parents, and how fat they were had no relation to how fat their adoptive parents were.

The scientists summarized it in their paper: "The two major findings of this study were that there was a clear relation between the body-mass index of biologic parents and the weight class of adoptees, suggesting that genetic influences are important determinants of body fatness; and that there was no relation between the body-mass index of adoptive parents and the weight class of adoptees, suggesting that childhood family environment alone has little or no effect."

In other words, being fat was an inherited condition.

A few years later, in 1990, Stunkard published another study in The New England Journal of Medicine, using another classic method of geneticists: investigating twins. This time, he used the Swedish Twin Registry, studying its 93 pairs of identical twins who were reared apart, 154 pairs of identical twins who were reared together, 218 pairs of fraternal twins who were reared apart, and 208 pairs of fraternal twins who were reared together.

The identical twins had nearly identical body mass indexes, whether they had been reared apart or together. There was more variation in the body mass indexes of the fraternal twins, who, like any siblings, share some, but not all, genes.

The researchers concluded that 70 percent of the variation in peoples' weights might be accounted for by inheritance, a figure that means that weight is more strongly inherited than nearly any other condition, including mental illness, breast cancer or heart disease.

The message is so at odds with the popular conception of weight loss - the mantra that all a person has to do is eat less and exercise more - that Jeffrey Friedman, an obesity researcher at the Rockefeller University, tried to come up with an analogy that would convey what science has found about the powerful biological controls over body weight.

He published it in the journal Science in 2000 and still cites it:

"Those who doubt the power of basic drives, however, might note that although one can hold one's breath, this conscious act is soon overcome by the compulsion to breathe," Friedman wrote. "The feeling of hunger is intense and, if not as potent as the drive to breathe, is probably no less powerful than the drive to drink when one is thirsty.

This is the feeling the obese must resist after they have lost a significant amount of weight."

What it comes down to is this.
Healthy choices will always be good for you.
Intuitive eating may make you weigh less, it may not.
But its better than hating yourself any day.

Please follow the rest of the series by clicking on a label below - it all started here

Carhenge.

2011-10-14T10:07:00.001-05:00

We like road trips, so we took a little one over to Amarillo. There just past the city off the side of the highway are ten cadillacs buried nose down in the field. With graffiti encouraged by the masses.

We headed that way with five kids and six cans of spray paint.

two warnings:

don't set your spray paint down for a second. people throw half used cans on the ground and other scavenge them, if you turn your back on yours it will get taken.

if you take a three year old way out in the field to pee, an artsy fartsy woman with a scarf on a hot day might make a rude comment to you.

but breastfeeding seemed to be ignored by most :)

Palo Duro Canyon will be a blog for another day.

post-edit: the flesh you see is PJ's elbow not me..I'm a poet and I don't know it and my foot's a longfellow.

Very special day.

2011-10-14T09:34:00.001-05:00

"The temple is concerned with things of immortality. It is a bridge between this life and the next. All of the ordinances that take place in the house of the Lord are expressions of our belief in the immortality of the human soul."

—Gordon B. Hinckley

Mother and Son

Alice and her sweet boss Laura and her husband David (who's wicked awesome funny :)

Alice and ALL her missionaries - amazing that they all got to come to the Temple!

:)

as always - to learn more go here:
http://mormon.org/
or comment ...

I LOVE my Maclaren Stroller.

2011-10-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Maclaren Stroller,
Thank you for being the best stroller ever. You have been on countless trips since we bought you in 2008. I wish we'd had you since Benjamin was born. You can carry a big kid and tons of stuff but I can still push you with just my index finger. One day you had a six year old holding a baby and then we balanced a 3 year old on the handles and ran with you - to make it somewhere in time. And you didn't complain one bit. And you are technically an umbrella stroller. Amazing.
You fold up in a blink of an eye and I can throw you over my shoulder and you feel just like a backpack. You are slim and can even slide under the table at a restaurant.
You have been a player in most of the following pictures - schlepping kids and stuff where I need to go.
In one of these pictures the wind blew you into Town Lake while we were feeding the ducks and I screamed "MY STROLLER" the way a mom would scream "MY BABY" My loving sister went in the murky water after you. Because she loves me like that. And I love you Maclaren.
love,
The Mom of OZ

PS. the following pics are of various assemblies, Ben's band concert, spa night with mom, Ella's school concert, sleeping and trying to go to sleep. Snapshots of our lives.

Its been one year...

2011-10-07T16:51:00.001-05:00

Since Kyle lead his mother into the waters of Baptism.

Tomorrow she will be going through the Temple for the first time.

A very special event for her and us.

If you want to know more go here

You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise.

2011-10-07T09:07:00.000-05:00

I'll admit it.

things like this get me down:

There are some days where you just need a little inspiration, so today I'll share some of what inspires me

If you have a moment while chilling or working today take a listen to this episode of Girl Talk where Marlo interviews Linda Bacon and its a fascinatingly perfect synopsis of Health at Every Size and how it can benefit EVERY person of EVERY size.
I got teary eyed at the end when she says what to do first is start appreciating your body. If you have nothing you like just start with telling your body "You are awesome because you house me."

Listen to internet radio with GirlTalk with Marlo on Blog Talk Radio

And if you need a little more inspiration read this from fat heffalump:

A little questionnaire for you all:

How many years of your life did you put into trying to be thin?
How much of your life did you put on hold while you tried to be thin?
How old were you when you first remember being told you were fat?
How many diets have you been on?
How many exercise “plans” have you been on?
How many years of your life have been taken up with eating disorders?
How many people have told you that you are fat?
How many people have treated you badly because you are fat?
How many years did you spend counting calories, watching the number on the scale or the size label on your clothes?

Now tally the sum of all those years, all that time, all those diets, all those times you made yourself sick in the effort to get thin, all the punishing exercise regimes, all the hurtful experiences add all those numbers together.

Take that number, write it down, look at it for a minute, and ask yourself…

Don’t you think the fat haters should invest the equivalent amount of time, the same number of years, in trying as hard to be a decent human being, as we fat people invested in trying to be thin?

Fat people are not the ones with the problem, or who are in denial. Fat people are not in denial of being fat. We know we are fat, and in choosing fat acceptance, we accept ourselves exactly as we are, and we accept others exactly as they are.

You can let go of all those numbers now. Set yourself free of the pain that those numbers represent. You’re off the hook – you’ve done your part. Close your eyes and imagine that all those instances of trying to be thin, or being bullied and shamed for being fat are balloons, filled with helium. Imagine them in your hand, bobbing above you, all different colours. Now open your hand and let them all go. You don’t have to carry them any more.

** end of excerpt.

And last but not least Maya Angelou:

Does my sexiness offend you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

and even more at this post:
Are you a mermaid or a whale?